when tears turn to blood
by ohwerdd
Summary: Ponyboy is blamming himself for Dally and Johnnys deaths. This can spell disaster. pleasee readd! [complete!]
1. closee call

I cant take it anymore. Why am I such a burden? Why cant I just live a normal life? I wish I could go back, back before everything started. Back before Dally, Johnny, even before mommy and daddy died. I cant live knowing that they died because of my stupid problems. If I hadn't been such a baby about Darry hitting me, and ran off to get Johnny he wouldn't have killed that boy. And then Dallas would still be alive, and I wouldn't of dragged him into this whole mess, he wasn't even there when it happened! Why did I bring him into it! Its all my fault they all died because of me! They all died because of me..

I grabbed the razor blade that Darry had been using to cut strings off these boxes of mom and dads old stuff that we found in the garage. I held my hand over the sink, my arm was shaking I had never done this before. But I always hear about people cutting themselves and how much of a relief it is for them. I took a deep breath at pressed the razor blade against my arm and cut long and deep, from my elbow to my wrist. I watched as blood seeped out of my arm and down into the sink, I turned on the water and watched as the dark red turned into pink swirls. It felt great like all my worries, my fears, my problems were being lifted off my shoulders and going down the drain, as easy as that. It felt so good that I did it again on my other arm but this time I did short ones more toward my wrist. I smiled to myself, sure it hurt the pain was increasing, it was more of the after pain that hurt the most. When I was finally satisfied with my swirling redish-pink sink I took two towels and wrapped it around each arm. I took a quick look at the clock, shit, Soda would be home soon, very soon, I cant let him see my like this. I quickly rubbed the sink making the red go away faster, when all of the evidence was gone I ran into the bedroom I shared with Soda. I put on one of my school sweatshirts that I got from track and wrapped my arms with bandages so the blood wouldn't seep through my sweatshirt.

"Hey Pony im home!"Soda said as he lumped on the couch

"be right out Sodapop!"I yelled finishing the wrapping on my right arm, I was really no good with using my left arm.

"How was work?"I asked as I walked into the living room and sat next to him

"do I really have to answer that question?"he asked looking lazily at the bathroom

"you left the light on in there kido"he said pointing to the bathroom, when I didnt get up to turn it off he got up

"fine I'll go"Soda got up and walked into the bathroom

"what's this?"I heard him say from the bathroom

"Pony? Are you hurt?"his question shocked me

"why would you think that Soda?"I asked trying not to sound suspicious

"well maybe because there is blood on the floor!"he said a little nervous

"what?"I went over to the bathroom and saw just a few drops of blood on the floor

"oh it was nothing Sodapop"I said shrugging it off

"well what happen--"he was staring at my left arm I looked down and blood was seeping though my sweatshirt

_oh god._

"Ponyboy what happened to you!"he said stepping closer but I took another step back

I stood there trying to think of something anything but nothing was coming to my mind.

"Um.. Well I was in the garage, and I was trying to get one of the boxes filled with mom and dads things back in the little storage space.. And I cut myself on something"boy that sounded lame.

"Cut yourself on what? When did this happen?"he asked looking a little calmer

"it happened while you two were out, and I got it stuck on.. Um... a saw"I stammered, then I looked at him nervously he would never buy it

"a saw?"he said looking at me

"y-yeah! Like those ones that Darry uses to cut the branches off the old tree when they get too long, you see I was pushing the box into the storage space and while I was pulling it out I cut it on the saw because it was sticking out, but don't worry I moved the saw so it wont happen again"I looked soda straight in the eye

"well okay ponyboy be more careful next time alright"he said looking at my arm again

"I will soda"phew that was close

"lemme see your arm pony"he said putting his hand out

I rolled up the sleeve on my left arm, and soda took it in his hand gently. He carefully unrolled the bleeding bandage and cringed when he saw my still bleeding cut. I was starting to feel a little light headed, I didnt think I would bleed so much.

"God Pony this is an awful cut"Soda said taking a towel and wrapping my cut then he took some peroxide and poured it over the long jagged line of blood.

"Ouch!"I closed my eyes as the burning increased

"I better go get some bandages for this cut, ill be right back pony you keep that rag on that cut you hear me?"he was on his way out the front door

"yeah I hear you"I said sitting down on the toilet bowl

When Soda was gone I let out a sigh of relief, man that was so damn close. I lifted up the sleeve on my other arm where the little cuts were, they had stopped bleeding. I cant let Soda find out about these or he'll know for sure that they were no accidents.


	2. ohh great

_Mwahhaa another chapter of my story is up! Phew. Writing can be tiring for the brain _

_k, so this is my first outsiders fanfiction & I thought I wasnt gonna be too good but I am getting reviews & they sound like u guys are liking it so dank man _

_k I hope u like this one, it is dedicated to all the people that have reviewd _

_but mostly to fanficlover2 cuz she rocks your face ;)_

_I love you guys _

I woke up in my bed, I wonder how I got there? the clock read 11:45 in the afternoon, when did I fall asleep? I slowly got out of bed, and went into the livingroom Darry was there reading a book in his chair.

"Hey Pony, how ya feeling?"he asked me putting his book down

"when was I not feeling okay?"I asked taking a seat on our worn in couch

"well Soda told me that you got light headed and fainted before"

"I did?"

"Yeah, it might have been from that cut you got"Darry said pointing at my hand

I tugged at my sweatshirt sleeve.

"Oh"I said flipping on the tv

Mickey was on. He was on a boat whistling. What kick does Two-bit get out of watching this guy?

_Whistle whistle whistle whistle whistle_

I turned around and saw Two-bit coming through our door, whistling to Mickeys tune.

Oh brother.

"What's new?"

"Nothing there Ponyboy, what says you?"he asked sitting on the floor

"im kinda sick of staying inside, I think I'll head over to the DX or something"I got up and walked over to the door

"bye Dar"

"see ya"

"bye Two-bit"

no response.

Two-bit was too into Mickey to notice I was leaving, what is this some type of brainwashing mouse?

Ew.thats a scary thought.

"Good-bye Two-bit!"I yelled

"uh"

at least it was a response.

It was cold outside, but it felt good against my face, I feel like I haven't been out of the house in a while. I walked over to Joeys house, out of the gang he was pretty much my best friend. After Johnny had died Joey was pretty much accepted as the new Johnny. It was weird cuz he was just like Johnny, He didnt talk that much to other people in the gang but he sure likes me for some reason. He had brown hair that fell over his eyes like Johnnys used to, and he had it rough at home like Johnny had. As I approached the little brown house that was next to the lot, I heard screams. I knew It was coming from the house, Joeys house. I felt sorry for him, he had it rough at home, his folks are always beating on each other. Even though they never beat on him, they usually are begging him to come with the other when they threaten to move out of the house. It makes me really thankful that me and my brothers don't fight, we might yell once and a while but that was it. Then someone came bursting out of the house, a book came flying out shortly after and just missed my head. Phew.

"Hey Joey! Wait up"I followed the running boy to this tree in the lot, under the tree there was seats from the inside of a car, where we usually hung out

"oh hey Ponyboy"he said as he slowed down and we walked together

"you alright?"

"Yeah im okay"we sat down on the seat

we talked for a while, about stuff. I like talking to Joey, he listens and he digs okay.

We sat there in silence for a little while when we heard a roar of an engine.

What the hell are they doing here? 7 of them stepped out of the truck.

"Hey greasers!"one of them shouted as they approached us

"what do you want soc?"I yelled daring them to come closer

"oh nothing"he said taking another step towards us

"we'se just wanted to talk was all"

"well I don't really wanna talk to you"I said glaring at him

Joey was silent.

"well that's not so nice"then they ran up to us, holding Joey and me down

"ouch"the guys that were holding my arms were squeezing my cuts and it hurt.

"Oh im sorry am I hurting you grease?"then his grip tightened, I winced

"what have we got here?"the one holding down my right arm pulled down my sweatshirt sleeve

"hey lookie here fellas, looks like we got a cutter on our hands"

Joey looked over at me and gave me a quizzical look. Great.

"So grease, you wanna die or something?"one of them came over and sat down on my stomach

"maybe we should help him out huh?"another one looked me in the eye

I didnt say a word.

_See that little button that says submit reveiw yeah it would be pretty dank If u pressed it _

_definition of dank-cool. _


	3. say what?

_Mwahhaa I am evil evillllllll_

_but don't look at me it was the socs that did it._

_They took over my fingers, all hope was lost._

_But you know pony he will pull through, the tough little boy that he iss _

They started to beat me up, kicking and punching. My whole body felt numb after the first 6 minutes. I could hardly feel the pain on my body, blackness was starting to swallow me, but I was still conscious. I heard screams coming from Joey, leave him alone! I wanted to yell but I couldn't get the words out.

"Joey"I tried to yell but only a whisper escaped my bloody lips

Then one guy kicked me in the head, now I was practically begging for unconsciousness to take over. A kick to the stomach caused me to loose all my breath and I finally blacked out, with a smile.

Someone was shaking me, I can faintly here my name.. But it sounds so far away. I try to open my eyes but there swollen shut. Am I dead? I can make out some of the words the person it saying to me.

"Pony?"it came out all in sobs

it was Joey! Im not dead! Joey don't cry! I tried to move my arm. My hand hit something, maybe it was a leg?

"Pony!"

"Oh, d-don't worry man im gonna get you h-home!"

"Well, I cant do that, um.. Okay im gonna be right back alright stay here don't move!"

Oh yeah im gonna run away man.

Then I heard footsteps running the opposite way.Ugh.Hurry Joey.

A few minutes later a whole bunch of footsteps surrounded me.eeek. I didnt know who to expect it to be.

"Ponyboy, jesus are you alright?"it was Darry!

Then I was lifted off the ground and carried home, I felt myself being placed on our couch.

"Darry"I said my voice sounding hoarse

"you're alright Pony, just rest"

"hey soda, could you bring me our first aid kit"

"sure Dar"

"thanks"

Then I felt Darry cleaning the cuts on my face, then I felt him lift up my sweatshirt and patch up my stomach. Ouch. Those damn socs really need to get lives.

Then I was carried to my bed and told to rest, I don't like to rest, I am a very lively fella! But I am feeling sorta sore and tired. Sleep wont hurt..

I woke up the next morning, earlier than Soda and Darry, so I went into the kitchen and started making eggs. I heard a groan and Soda walked into the room rubbing his eyes, he seemed a little shocked when he saw me there.

"Pony you look like shit, go back to bed"he said yawning

"good morning to you too"I responded sarcastically

"aren't you tired and sore from your little shang bang yesterday?"

"A little, but im not gonna let them keep me in bed, no sir"I said flipping an egg

I made Sodas eggs just how he likes em, sunny side up and placed it infront of him.

Then he took ketchup and made little faces on each egg. Aw how cute? Next Darry woke up, he walked over to me and stared at me.

"You are a strange little man"he said then took the pan from me

"go get some rest or something"

"im not tired Dar"then I walked into the bathroom to examen the damage

I had a cut on my forehead and a black eye, my neck was sorta bruised, and my lip was bloody and a little swollen. Then I lifted up my sweatshirt, my stomach had light bruises here and there and a cut next to my belly button. They didnt get me too bad, not bad at all, I am a lucky guy. :)

That's when I noticed the huge cut on my side, with bruises all around it. Ouch. That must be where they got me that last time.

Then I remembered Joey.. Was he alright? I didnt wanna wait to know, I ran out of the house, I saw Darry stand up but I continued to run out the door. I didnt stop running until I got to Joeys place, I ran up and knocked on the door. Bad idea. Joeys parents hated me so much, I have no clue what I did to them! His mom answered the door, she looked tired and disheveled.

"What do you want?"she asked in a really annoyed tone

"um, morning ma'am, um is Joey home?"

"Hold on.. Joey!"

Soon Joey appeared in the doorway, his face lit up when he saw me

"Im going out mom"he said taking a coat and walking outside

"so how ya feeling Pony?"he asked examining my bruised face

"they mainly only got me in my face, but I feel okay I guess"

"golly I thought that they got you too, I remember you screaming"I said turning to face him

"well Ill tell you what happened, this guy that was holding me down, was huge! Man you should have seen him! Anyway so he kept saying all this stuff to me, like if I squirm at all he was gonna kill you. Then when I didnt move he started saying that he was gonna kill you anyway and I was screaming for him to just leave you alone! Then he walked up to you dragging me with him and put a knife up to your stomach and cut you near you bellybutton. I screamed really loud then, but then they left shortly after cuz a whole bunch of other greasers chased them out of the lot."

Then I lifted up my sweatshirt and looked at the cut near my bellybutton, I was just lowering my sweatshirt when Johnny stopped walking and turned to me again. We reached our hangout in the lot by then.

"Ponyboy?"

"Yeah Joey?"

"When the socs first came they said that you, you cut yourself"

I felt my body get hot

"oh, right"I said looking down at my shoes

"is that true pony.."he said looking at me carefully

"y-yeah"I said meeting his glance

He only nodded, then I few seconds later lifted up his sweatshirt sleeve revealing little scratches of his own.

_Haha another chapter done! Tell me what you guys think! Cuz I love reviews _

_they leave a smile on my face )_


	4. mind boggled

_Okay short chapterrr I am so sorry._

_I am dedicating this chapter to all my readers cuz u all rockk :P_

_I hope I get to update soon, but ehh school sucks. I will try tho I will tryy_

_I do not own the outsiders, they belong to S.E HINTON and she rocks!_

_But I do ownn Joey hehe hes mine mine!_

_and im sorry for any spelling errors, to tell you the truth I suck at writing. In english we had to write a story and she said she loved my story but I got a 65 because of all my errors haha what a fruit. So please don't hold my errors against me I already know I suck )_

**Joeys POV**

I was shocked when I found out that Ponyboy cut himself.. But then again I wasn't really _that_ shocked. I guess because I know how upset Pony was after his friends Dally and Johnny died. I remember him seeming really tormented, even though I wasn't expecting him to start cutting himself. Maybe im getting ahead of myself.. I don't even know the real reason, but I don't know what else it would be.

**Back to Ponyboys' POV**

"Joey, I would have never guessed"Joey seemed like the kid that would _never_ cut, but I guess I shouldn't judge people so much

Besides I don't know if I look like a kid that would never cut or not.

"yeah well"he shrugged sitting down on the car seats

I joined him

"why do you?"

"I don't know, but when my parents fight its just unbearable, especially when they want me to take sides and stuff. They don't know it but whenever they start I go into the bathroom and do this"then he lifted up both his sleeves revealing many small cuts

"golly how long have you been doing it"

"for a while now"

there was silence between us for a moment until Joey spoke again

"I never thought I would show anyone this, but I guess I just felt comfortable with you Pony, like I can tell you anything"

I smiled "thanks Joey, im here for you"

"you wanna share with me why you cut"the word cut seemed to strike me, im not sure why

"well, I guess it's because of Dally and Johnnys..."it was hard talking about them especially Johnny, he had been my best friend.

"You don't have to talk about it man"Joey said reassuringly

"It might be better if I do"I took a breath then continued

"after they d-died, it was weird because everyone else was upset but they seem like they have gotten over it, well not gotten over it but I don't know.."

Joey smiled

"I guess it's because Soda still has his best friend, and well Darry I don't know about, but Johnny he was my best friend"

Joey squirmed a bit

"Joey.."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks"

Joey was about to say something but I cut him off

"I was never able to talk about Johnny and Dallas' deaths until now, I like talking with you Joey"

"likewise"he smiled and I smiled back

Then we talked for a long long time, about a whole bunch of things, and then all of a sudden we got on the topic of suicide. We both got caught up in it and it was weird, we got a little excited and we talked faster we let out all of our feelings. I hardly realized what I was saying and when I did I stopped in mid sentence. The smile on Joeys face quickly faded and we were silent for a second. It was a funny silence, I didnt think I would ever talk about killing myself, I mean im not that upset. Am I? It was a scary thought for me, killing myself I mean, like cutting was different it helped me with the pain. But death, I don't know that just scared me, I didnt wanna die.. Did I?

_Mhm so I think you should click that purpilish button that reads submit review cuz tell you the truth that one little button is the key to putting a smile on my facee )_

_and pushes my to write more, and if u want that then do it!_


	5. oooch

_Hey ya'll ! Im not exactly allowed on the computer right now but I got on just long enough to post another chapter! I hope you all like it and please review!_

_I do not own any of the outsiders but I do own Joey! Hachachaaaa_

I started doing bad in school again, Darry is gonna kill me. I cant help it though, I try and I think im doing okay then I get my test back and im always failing. Im usually smart, I don't know what's happening to me. Darry said if I failed one more test he was gonna give me hell, and right now im bringing home two failed tests. I could just not show him, but tell you the truth id rather let him know im doing bad instead of him seeing my report card and maybe having a heart attack. I trudged home feeling sorry for myself, I hate that it makes me feel pathetic. When I got to my house I shivered, not wanting to go inside knowing that Darry would be home soon. When I opened the door I froze cause there was Darry sitting in his chair. I didnt think he'd be home he's usually at work until I little later, then I remembered to move. I walked inside said hello to Darry and walked into the bathroom, I washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror. Then I walked out and walked over to where Darry was, I sat on the couch next to the chair and stared at the muted television. Why he always read with the television on but muted I really don't know.

"Darry.."my voice sounded funny to me

"what's up Pony?"he peered at me over his book

"um"my voice quivered

Then instead of telling him I walked over to my backpack and got my two tests out, my hands where shaking and I could feel Darrys' stare on my back. I turned around slowly an expectant look on Darrys' face made my heart sink into my stomach.

"Here"I said in a whisper

He was silent and I saw his face change expression quickly I never saw his eyes filled with so much anger. Here we go. Then he started yelling at me it got me so mad, so I yelled back, and said I few things maybe I shouldn't. Then Darry gave me this deadly stare which shut me right up, then he slapped me. He slapped me so hard that I spun around and fell onto the floor, my chest breaking my fall and knocking the wind right out of me. I sat on the floor for a two minutes just trying to catch my breath, those were the two most longest minutes of my life. When I finally got the air back in my lungs I turned around but Darry wasn't there. I stumbled to the window and noticed that his car was gone, I didnt even hear him leave. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a kitchen knife then stormed into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, the left side of my face was the color of a rose. I could see the hand print he left on me, and all around it and in the center was a purple bruise. I didnt take my eyes off my reflection as I steadily cut more into my wrists, I watched my face. It didnt change expression but I saw tears fill my eyes, and then finally overflow over my cheeks. I looked into the sink seeing the blood drips I turned on the water and dried off my arm. Then I went into my bedroom and laid down on my right cheek so I wouldn't lean on my damaged side. I heard the front door open and someone roaming around our fridge, I heard the clinking of bottles and heard the jugging of a drink.

"Darry? Ponyboy, any of you'se home?"it was Soda

I didnt say anything, I didnt feel much like talking.

"Hey Pony, what's eating you?"he said as he entered our room

I didnt move or speak

"jeez what happened to your face! Did you get jumped!"he pushed the hair our of my face and looked closer at my bruised cheek

"Darry did it"

Soda looked taken aback.

"What?"

"I said Darry did it, I failed two tests and got in a fight with him then he just slapped me"I didnt blink once

"Pony that's not a normal slap"soda said stroking my cheek gingerly

"I didnt say it was a normal slap, I told you, it was a Darry slap"

Soda had a pathetic look in his eyes and I hated it, I didnt like it when people looked at me that way. I heard the front door open again and this time it was Darry, I could tell from the sound of his big black boots on the living room floor. Soda looked at me one more time giving me another pathetic look before walking out of the room. I heard some talking from the living room, I knew they were talking about me and I didnt like it. I didnt hear what Darry had to say to me, and I didnt like the fact that it took Soda persuasion to make him talk to me. So I opened the window in my room, our house was only one story so it wasn't much of a jump to the ground. I walked to the lot and I saw somebody already there sitting on the car seats. That made me wanna turn away I didnt much feel like talking, that was until I realized that that someone was Joey.

"Hey man what's up?"

"I just got into a fight with Darry"

I saw him looking at my wrist and he could see my fresh cuts because I wasn't wearing a sweatshirt, which was a pretty dumb idea.

"What happened?"

"I failed two more tests and yelled back at him"then I turned my face to look at Joey

"Jesus!"I knew he was talking about the bruise it was the size of my whole cheek

"is that from?"

"Yeah Darry"

"golly Pony I didnt think he'd get that made over a grade"

"well I guess he did"I looked at my dirty converse

I didnt like worrying Darry and shoving him to do this, I know it was my own fault that I got this bruise, but I couldnt help it! Me and Joey sat there in silence for a long time, my mind was cluttered with all my thoughts. Then we heard footsteps rounding the corner of the lot we both looked up and saw Soda.

"Hey Pony, hey Joey"he said taking a seat next to us

"I thought I'd find you here"

I nodded my head but didnt say anything

"that's a pretty good bruise Ponyboys got there huh Joey?"Soda said knocking Joeys knee with his hand

Joey just nodded but not because he was mad, just because he didnt much like talking with the other guys.

Soda let out an uncomfortable sigh, and scratched his head, I was jealous of Soda, some girls would come up to me in school only to ask about Soda. I hated that, they made me feel used, and unwanted. Soda looked real tired and he was still in his work clothes that were dirty with oil. Even then girls would still think he was a doll, I think they like his face a lot he does have a pretty face. Not like Darrys, his face looked like it was carved from stone unlike Sodas face which was soft. The best thing I have going for me is my hair, its pretty tuff and I like it a lot. I remember being mad as hell when Johnny made me dye and cut my hair but I got over it. Some girls say they like my smile and my eyes, so I guess that's good, but I don't know what makes guys have a "cute" smile. I guess it matters if the guy has crooked teeth or something, I have no clue and I didnt really care much. I was so deep in my thoughts I didnt even realize Soda talking to me, it was kinda weird that I zoned out that much.

"...eal sorry"Soda was finishing what he was saying

"huh, what'd ya say Sodapop?"

"Jeez you don't have to ignore me, I didnt do nothing to you"he was playing with the buttons on his shirt

"I wasn't ignoring you, I was just thinking was all"I fiddled with my shoe laces

"yeah you do space out a lot, I guess I should be used to it by now"

"well anyway I was saying that Darry is real sorry he hit you like that, he didnt mean it none Ponyboy"

"then why cant he say it to me? Why do you always have to be the one to tell me?"I said stubbornly

"he was gonna say it, but when we got to your room someone wasnt there and the window was open"Soda glared at me but then smiled

"come on Pony lets go get a coke or something, you too Joey come on"he got up and gave me a pleading look

"alright"I stood up slapping Joeys' knee and he followed

We walked down the street taking the back roads to avoid trouble with any socs, that might be looking for some. Our walk was pretty quiet and Soda seemed pretty uncomfortable, then we finally reached the stop at the corner where we usually went to buy a coke. Soda held open the door for us and we walked in, it was pretty empty in the store except for a girl that was browsing the potato chips. I saw her eye Soda and it made me sour, I never did like being the jealous type but I cant help it. She smiled at him but he seemed to not notice, the girl noticed to and looked upset that he wasnt looking her way. We walked over to get a few drinks out of the fridges, Soda and Johnny got cokes and I got a Pepsi, I loved Pepsi. The girl seemed to be edging near us, did she think she was a spy or something, sneaking up like that. It made me laugh tho she really wanted to talk to Soda I guess.

"I think that girl wants to talk to ya"I whispered

he glanced at her and smiled

"I saw that girl by the gas station today she drove by twice but didnt stop for gas"that made me laugh, this girl must have really liked Soda

"she's pretty"I said

"yeah, but ever since Sandy, no girl has really been catching my eye"he walked away to go browse the chips

"hi"I looked over and the girl was standing there, she was really pretty. She had long dark blonde hair that fell to the middle of her back and real pretty eyes they were the color of summer grass, she smelled pretty too.

"Hello"I said shoving my hands in my pockets so she wouldn't see my cuts

"is he your brother?"here we go

"yeah that's Sodapop"

"Sodapop? Cute name, I think he's real cute too"she smiled over at him but he had his back turned

"does he have a girl?"she asked expectantly

"no"her face lit up for a second I felt bad to tell her the next part

"but his girlfriend just dumped him and he's pretty shook up about it, he hasn't been interested in any girl for a while"I shrugged but then flashed her a smile

"that's too bad"she looked a little down

"but what's worse is that bruise on your face, what happened?"

"Oh I got in a little fight was all, but im alright"

"that's good, that your alright I mean"

I nodded and then there was a small silence until she said

"well I guess I better go"

"bye"I smiled again

"you know you have a real cute smile"

I felt my face turn red.

"Thanks, I like yours too"

"im sorry I didnt even introduce myself, im Sasha"she stuck out her hand

"im Ponyboy"I shook her hand

she smiled, her lips were a pretty rosy pink color

"goodbye Ponyboy"then she left

Joey came over nudged me and raised his eyebrows up and down, I shoved him away and brought my Pepsi to the counter to pay for it. So did Soda and Joey then we headed back to my house eating and drinking on the way. The chips Sodapop bought sure were good and then mixed with the best drink in the world made em even better. I was cheering up until we stood in front of my house I wasnt ready to walk in and face Darry again. But I walked up the steps with Soda and Joey anyway and stepped inside, It was pretty quiet so at first I thought nobody was home.

"Hey Soda, Joey... Pony"Darry came into the living room from his room

he took my face in his hands and turned my face to see my bruise better

"jeez, I really gotta keep my strength under control"he laughed a bit but then his smiled wiped off his face when I didnt laugh none

"im real sorry Pony, I really didnt mean to hit you like that at all, that was real horrible thing I did to your face"

I didnt like being mad at Darry at all, so I decided to just end this thing maybe then he would forget about the grades.

"Ah don't worry about it, big guy"I pushed his arm and he smiled

_yay! Another chapter_

_read review and let me know what you think!_

_I hope you like this one _


	6. busted

_another chapter up wooo! Another chapter up woooo!_

_Still in trouble, bleh but I got to sneak on and upload this chapter too!_

_I finally got to get another character into this story steve but its short... sorry!_

_I was kind of haivng writers block. Suckkyy I know but please deal with me!_

_Thanks and review tell me what you think!_

_Only own Joey.._

"Yoooooooooo Ponyboyyyyy"Two-Bit came barging through the door

"heya Two-Bit"I said from the kitchen I was the only person home today Darry and Soda were both at work

"what brings you here"I continued when I didnt get a response

Then Two-Bit shot through the kitchen sliding on his knees and laughing

"what'ya mean what brings me here!"

"I mean.. What brings.. You here?"I gave him a weird stare as I continued stuffing chips in my mouth

"ill give you one hint"he said as he pretended to grab something.. A steering wheel maybe? And whistling

"Mickey Mouse?"I asked confused

"heck yes!"then he grabbed a piece of chocolate cake out of the fridge

"what's the occasion of watching him here?"I asked

"first of all it's a new episode! Followed by a short movie of Mickey!"he smiled crazily like a little boy with a new bike

"wow, that's very cool Two-bit"I said sarcastically

"you bet"he said starting to take the cake to the living room

"but why couldn't you watch this miraculous thing at your own home?"I asked following him

"my moms soaps are coming on at the same time"he said with a mouth full of chocolate

"well I don't wanna ruin your fun, I better head out"I said starting for the front door

if it was one thing that I hated it was Mickey Mouse, I don't know why. I still believe it's some type of brain washing show, especially when you watch Two-bit watching it. He's like in his own little world, I guess the whole concept of a mouse and his weird little adventures bother me too, the only guy I like on that show is Donald Duck now he fucking rocks.

"Nones cense, sit and watch Mickey!"he said patting the floor next to him

"no I really just better go"I said closing the door behind me

"before I bust that tv"I said to myself and walked down the steps

I didnt really have anywhere to go so I just walked around smoking a cigarette and enjoying the cool air. Then I saw Steve and headed over to him wondering why he wasn't at work.

"Hey Steve, aren't you suppose to be at work?"I asked it was weird I have never talked to Steve when no one else was around, I knew the guy hated me but that was okay because I didnt like him much either.

"I wasn't feeling to good so I didnt show"he put out his cigarette and started walking down the road, I shrugged and walked the other way

"Pony, you wanna go for a catch or something?"he asked suddenly

it sorta startled me that Steve actually wanted to hang out with me "okay sure"I said

We walked toward the lot where we left the old worn out football and Steve actually helped me with my throw. Steve was one of the best football players I know and he was the best thrower I ever knew. He helped me a lot with my throw showing me how yo get it to my exact target, sure I'll never be as good as Steve but he made me a lot better.

"Hey Steve, why are you being so nice to me?"I couldn't help it I was dying to know

"I don't know"he shrugged and that was good enough for me I wasn't about to spoil this nice streak

When we got sick of football we sat down on the car seats and talked, usually Steve liked picking fights so soon we got into one. It wasn't like a fight fight, we just wrestled on the ground for fun. We were kicking up dirt and my face was covered in it, we kept trying to pin each other on the ground. Steves' grip on my wrists were so tight but I ignored the stinging pains coming form my wrists I had a sweatshirt on anyway. We rolled around a little longer until Steve finally got me pinned on the ground, he had never let go of my wrists and they were really starting to hurt but I didnt show it.

"Haha got ya!"he said seeming satisfied with himself

"yeah yeah you got me" I said

"you were a pretty good match tho Pony I'll give you that"

Steve finally released his grip on my wrists and looked at his hands I didnt see what he was looking at at first but when I did I froze. His hands were lightly covered with sticky blood, my sticky blood I quickly looked at my wrists. Blood was seeping through my sweatshirt, he must have been squeezing my hands pretty hard. Even though the cuts that he was putting pressure on were fairly new so I guess I understood the bleeding but I was still shocked. Steve stared at me bewildered I didnt know what he was thinking, and I didnt know what to think at all.

"Ponyboy... lemme see your wrists"Steve said his face still in shock

I pulled my hands behind my back, trying to think of some sort of excuse but nothing would come to mind. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I was done for.

"Pony.. Lemme see your arms"he said putting out his hands

I backed up slowly about to make a run for it when Steve pounced on me tackling me to the ground like he had before, but this time doing in much faster. Then he got me in a lock and I couldn't move, he slowly pulled up my shirt sleeves revealing my cut marks. He released me slowly and I scampered out of his grasp, I didnt know what to do but run I left Steve in the parking lot staring at his blood stained hands.


	7. bottoms up

_Hope you all like this chapter, read review, tell me what you guys think! And if you have any suggestions or anything please let me know! K thanks!_

I didnt know what to do or where to go, but I knew one thing I wasn't headed home that was for sure. I knew Steve would tell Sodapop and Soda would freak and tell Darry and then.. A shiver went up my spine I don't want to think about that part right now.

At first I thought about running away but that idea quickly faded from my mind when a memory of Johnny in the hospital barged in. There was no way I was gonna run away and have anything like that ever happen to me again. I ran and ran not stopping or looking back I ran for blocks and found myself in soc territory. That's when I turned around and ran back ignoring the pain in my chest, I ran until I reached Joeys house. I stood out front my hands on my knees breathing deeply until I finally got a steady breath again. My throat was hoarse and dry when I rang the doorbell to Joeys house, my spit wasn't helping the dryness any. The front door opened and Joeys mom stood there she gave me an evil glare then called Joey. His smiling face appearing at the door made me feel a little bit better and I smiled but it was fake.

"Hey Pony what y-"

"can I come in?"I cut him off

"um.."he looked inside "s-sure"

I stepped in and he led me up to his room, I had never been in his room before I thought that was weird considering he's my best friend.

"What's up?"he asked taking a seat on his bed, I took a seat on his wooden floor

"um.." I looked down at the dry blood on my sweatshirt

"Steve found out that I cut"I said scaring myself

"are you serious! How? When?"Joey asked now standing up, I took a deep breath and I think it made him relax a little then he took a seat next to me.

"W-we were in the lot playing football, then we started wrestling f-for fun and he gripped my wrists real hard and made my cuts bleed so I sorta bleeded on him"my hands were shaking

"shit"was all Joey said

"do you think he told anyone?"he asked me with wide eyes

"I don't know I didnt stick around to hear nothing I just ran, he probably will tho"now my voice sounded shaky

"come on"Joey said standing up

"where we going?"I asked not much feeling like doing anything

"a guy from school said he was having a party today, lets go check it out"he led me to the front door told his mom he'd be back later and dragged me outside

"Joey I don't much feel like going anywhere"I said really meaning it

"hey its either come with me or face the wrath of Darry"he said shrugging

then he added "your choice" and started walking away

I lazily agreed and followed him dragging my feet, we walked avoiding my house and everyone elses house in the gang.

"I don't feel like really talking to anybody or picking up girls Joey, and I aint doing no crack!"

"Take it easy Pony were not going to talk, pick up girls or do crack, were going for a pain killer"he said

"what?"I asked

"when I cant cut and I really need to, I drink"he said flatly

I never had a drink in my whole life the only time alcohol ever touched my lips was when I had a sip of Darrys' drink once, and I remember it tasting awful.

"It really numbs the pain, trust me"right now I was willing to do anything to feel relief

He grabbed my arm and led me up someones front porch, there was music blasting on the inside and the sound of a ton of voices filled the house. We entered and a few people nodded at us and some girls smiled then one walked up to us.

"Are you related to Sodapop? The boy that works at the DX?"she asked me

"y-yeah im his younger brother Ponyboy"I answered really wanting to leave if it meant talking to strangers about my brother

"I thought so, you look just like him! Your both so cute"then she ruffled my hair making me feel like I dog and walked away. My cheeks must have been bright red because I could feel then burning, she said I was cute, and that I looked just _like_ soda.

"Come on Pony keep up"he said dragging me through the crowd

The he grabbed a couple of beers and handed one to me "drink up man" he said slapping me on the back

Me and him sat down in a corner drinking, I don't know how many I chugged down but it was a lot, and each time I finished one Joey handed me another. I kept drinking and he kept handing, at first I didnt feel anything but then I felt my eye site getting the better of me. Pretty soon the room had started spinning all those beers had finally caught up to me and I was still guzzling down more. I looked over at Joey he wasn't drinking nearly as many as he was handing me I guess because he realized he needed to get me wasted. Then he would have to look out for me in the end, he only had about 3 beers and I was well beating that number. He was trying to say something to me but he was talking in slow motion and I couldn't hear him, I wasn't really trying to hear him. My goal at the moment was trying to focus so I would only see one Joey and not three. Joey had been right about one thing it sure did numb the pain, I couldn't feel anything and it was scaring me that I was loving it so much. Hours dragged on slowly and people had started to leave Joey took the beer I was drinking out of my hand and lifted me up I leaned on his shoulder putting all my weight onto him. The cold outside air hit me hard, the wind was blowing and at first I forgot how to breath.

"J-jooey"my words sounded slurred

"take it easy Pony"he said

"I don't feel too good"I said Joey was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him he was getting blurry and farther away until I couldn't see him at all.

**Joeys POV**

I felt bad, I knew Pony had never drank before and I new that this would happen but it was all I could do for the kid. The moment he passed out in my arms my heart stopped I knew of people dying from drinking too much and Pony had drunken a lot. I knew I shouldn't have gave him so many! Shit. At least I knew what I should do, I laid him on his stomach on the grass in case he threw up so he wouldn't choke on his vomit. I've heard of stuff like that happening, then I started walking toward his house. I was hoping this wouldn't happen and I know that im probably walking to my own funeral. But I know better than to not tell somebody that Pony had passed out, even if that someone was Darry Curtis. I felt bad since it was pretty cold out and I left Pony on the wet grass without putting at least my jacket over him, but it was too late now. I walked up Ponys' front steps my hand shaking as I knocked on the door I heard footsteps inside rushing around and then the door jerked open. Soda was standing there, _thank god_ and he looked real worried, then I realized I didnt know if Soda knew about Ponyboy cutting.

"W-where's my b-brother?"he asked sounding sad and mad at the same time

I looked at him real scared like I didnt know what to say to him, I froze.

"Joey, I-I know about P-pony"he said with begging eyes

"s-so please tell me where he is, I wont be mad at you I p-promise"

sure you wont.. Then I noticed Steve sitting on the couch looking at his hands and seeming very depressed.

"um.. He, he's at a friends house, he's b-been drinking and passed out"I said

Soda stared at me in disbelief and relief at the same time, maybe he thought Pony was gonna commit suicide or something. Then he looked at Steve who had gotten up from his spot on the couch and was standing next to Soda.

"Show me"Soda said, then him and Steve grabbed their coats and followed me as I ran all the way to the house.

Pony hadn't moved from his position I had left him in, and he hadn't thrown up either Soda took Pony in his arms. Pony was unconsciously shivering, wanting to get him home and warm he and Steve lifted him up and carried him home. I followed half way then explained to them that I better be getting home before my parents killed me. They agreed and I ran hoping that Pony was going to be alright, not just from the drinking but form what Darry will do to him.

**Sodapop POV**

Me and Steve laid Ponyboy down on the couch we hadn't told Darry yet since he was gonna be home late, he had gone out to hang with some friends. I was dreading to tell Darry, what with the news of Pony that Steve had found out earlier that day.

"No lay him on his side in case he throws up"Steve said to me and I turned him over, I wasn't thinking clearly at all and probably would have never thought of doing that. Ponyboy looked like he was in pain from the expression on his face and I wanted to help him to let him know it was alright, that his big brother was here. Steve brought a pot over and laid it on the floor near Ponys head just in case he started to throw up. Then I carefully took his hands in mine, I could see small red stains on his sleeves and already wanted to turn away. But I continued by slowly sliding his sleeve up his arm revealing to myself small cuts all up his arm and I wondered how long this had been going on for. Then I got a flashback. The blood on the bathroom floor and Ponys bloody arm, I knew now the true story. My arms were shaking like leaves and I easily lifted Pony up then sat in his spot laying him in my lap. I rocked him back and forth holding his wrists gingerly in my sweaty palms and every now and then kissing it. Remembering how mom used to do the same to my scrapes and I would believe that they made the pain stop, I wanted so much for that to work with Pony.


	8. please press one

**Sodapops POV**

I felt someone moving my arm then I heard the sound of bare feet going across the wooden floor. I listened but didnt open my eyes then I heard the bathroom door shutting then the sound of Ponyboy throwing up, again. I heard the sound of water the flush of the toilet and then Pony arrived back in the room but he didnt sit in bed. Instead he walked over to where his desk was, my eyes were still closed so he probably thought I was asleep. Then I heard the sound of the window being opened and jumped up scaring Pony so much he stumbled backwards.

"Where do you think your going?"I asked sounding madder than I was

Pony didnt answer me I haven't been able to talk to him since he was out cold last night. The whole night I couldn't sleep remembering how much Pony moved I didnt want him to roll on his back and then throw up. The thought of that happening to Pony frightened me so much that I couldn't sleep. Pony winced and then grabbed his head like the sound of my voice was unbearable.

"God Sods it hurts"he said sitting in a chair

"it's called a hang over buddy, and by the looks of it a pretty bad one"I laughed a little

Then I saw Darry come into the room and remember that he still knew nothing about Pony, and I really didnt wanna tell him. I had a sick feeling in the gut of my stomach but then realized that Pony must be feeling worse.

"What's so funny guys?"he asked, a smile on his face

"um"I looked at Pony a funny noise escaped his throat

"Darry I need to talk to you... alone"I said feeling bad for Pony

"sure little buddy"Darry said his eyes warm

He followed me out into the hallway and down the hall into his own room, he closed the door after himself.

"What's up?"he asked

"I have something to tell you about Pony"

"what is it? Is he sick? I thought he looked a little funny, actually really funny"he said his eyes staring at me waiting for a response

"that was because he was drinking last night, he passed out and right now he's having a pretty bad hangover"I watched as Darrys eyes got wide

"im gonna kill that kid! I know he knows how I feel about people who drink"he said getting ready to storm out of the room

"Darry wait!"I said

He turned around slowly he must have seen the fear in my eyes because he calmed down and took a seat on the bed next to me.

"What's the matter?"he asked sounding worried

A single tear escaped my eye and Darry looked real worried "baby, what's the matter?"he repeated searching my eyes for an answer

"Darry, Pony cu- Pony cuts"I barely whispered

Darrys face got the most horrified outraged look I had ever seen and It made me worry and get even more frightful for Pony. As if Darry didnt believe me he burst out of the room and towards Pony and my room. He burst through the door I followed him, Pony was still sitting at the desk staring at the opposite wall. He didnt even flinch when Darry thrust open the door, Darry walked up to him and grabbed his arm violently. Ponys' face flinched and his eyes shut tightly closed, then Darry released Ponys' arm and fell to the floor on his knees.

"Why Pony, why?"he said quietly

**Later that night**

**Sodapops POV**

"What should we do about Pony?"I asked Darry who has been quiet ever since the revealing of Ponys cuts.

"Were gonna have to call the hospital ask them what we can do"he said his jaw resting on his fist

"oh Darry do we have to?"I asked half begging

"yes, as much as I don't want to we have to"he said

I nodded my head silently looking toward the phone

"if we don't, he could do something terrible to himself"Darry finished his explanation

"when should we make the call?"I asked

"tomorrow morning, before Pony wakes up"Darry said

I nodded again and then Darry told me to get some sleep, so I walked over to the closed bedroom door. I stopped and turned around a thought suddenly crossing my mind.

"Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he tries to leave during the night or something?"I asked not wanting Pony to run away

"I guess im going to have to lock you two in the room, is that alright?"he asked I nodded, whatever would keep Pony safe was fine for me. We already had to lock the window from the outside, afraid that he might climb out. I walked into the room and Darry followed me he took a glance inside the room saw Pony still sitting at his spot on the chair and left locking the door. It was dark in the room and Ponys still figure sitting on the chair kind of scared me but it was my brother. I walked over to the bed and laid down, I could feel Pony staring at me with wide afraid eyes. I patted the spot next to me welcoming him to lay down, but he didnt budge and just sat there.


	9. we've got an escapee

**Two-Bits POV**

Talk about being left out of things.. I get a call from Darry telling me to come to the hospital because Ponyboy is hurt. So I asked how and he tells me that his little brother is a cutter! A cutter! So I call Steve telling him and he seems to already know that Pony cuts, sheesh why doesn't anybody tell me anything any more! Well now I finally arrived at this damn place and I see a cute nurse at the front counter, so I stride on over.

"May I help you?"she asked her curls delicately resting on her shoulders

im about to make small talk but then I remember why I am here in the first place..

"oh, yeah, um where can I find Ponyboy Curtis' room?"I ask

she takes a look on the chart infront of her and then points down a hallway

"you go down there and you can take an elevator up to the 3rd floor and its room 103"

"thank you"I say before starting my way to Ponys room

I walked into room 103 and the first thing I saw was Darry and Soda sitting in one chair fast asleep, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. Then I saw Pony and the smile quickly faded from my face, he looked very pale. A machine next to him kept a steady beep and tubes were in his nose to help him breath. He kind of reminded me of a Christmas tree the way he was hooked up and stuff. There was a blood thing next to his bed that read AB+ and a wire came from it and attached to his wrist. That's when I saw all the cuts up his arm I glanced at his face and saw that his eyes were open.

"Hey Pony" I said walking closer to him

He didnt respond, just stared up at me with those big round eyes of his, I realized that one of his arms was wrapped up in a think bandage.

"Hello sir"I turned around and saw a nurse come into the room

"morning ma'am"I answer

"how are you sweety?"she said softly to Pony pushing stray hairs out of his face only for them to fall in place again. Pony just stared with her with those big eyes and she patted his shoulder. Then she started fiddling with some wires that were hooked up to Pony and changed the bandage on his left arm. The inside of the bandage was stained red and I turned away, when I looked back she was wrapping a new one on. She was shaking her head and then she turned to Pony and gave him a shot in his upper arm.

"This medicine will make you very drowsy"she said to him when she was done and surly enough his eyelids started to droop. When they finally closed she put the needle back in a case and then turned to me.

"Are you related to this boy?"she asked

"no but were pretty close, but those are his brother over there"I pointed to where Soda and Darry were still sitting on the chair sleeping.

"Oh those poor boys were up all night with him"

"is he gonna be okay?"I asked the nurse hoping he would be

"hard to say, he got himself pretty badly on that arm, cut right into a main blood stream"she paused to fix the sheets on Pony

"that cut hasn't stopped bleeding yet, and he's losing massive amounts of blood"she said sighing

"I just hope he pulls through"she added and then left the room

Massive blood amounts? Is she serious, I mean there is so much blood in a persons body, it's hard to believe that they can run short. I looked at Ponys limp body laying carelessly in bed, his chest was rising and falling in rhythm. Then I looked over at Soda and Darry who were now waking up and adjusting yet again to the surroundings of the hospital.

"Hey sleeping beauties, looks like I got lucky I have two beauties in a room with me! Well actually im still deciding if I would consider you a beauty Darry"I said jokingly, Darry smiled and Soda laughed

"did he ever wake up Two-Bit?"Soda asked yawning

"yeah actually he was just awake but a nurse came in and changed that bandage on his arm, and gave him medicine that made him sleep again"I said

"ughh"Darry let out a groan

"what?"I asked

"the nurse told us she wouldn't give him medicine when he woke up, so we could at least talk to him"Soda answered for Darry

"so you guys wanna give me more info on the Pony case" I asked not wanting to bring it up but I wanted to know

"well Pony has been cutting for the past weeks and when we finally found out, he, well Joey got him drunk im not sure why but im not concerned with Joey right now. Then he drank so much he passed out cold but he woke up eventually and when we went to bed I woke up to a scream, it was pretty low but enough to wake me up since I wasn't in a deep sleep. Then I saw Pony sitting there in a chair with a bloody pair of scissors in his hand and his left arm was gushing blood."Soda stopped pretty much telling it all

"how'd ya'll find out?"I asked

"Steve found out, he was at the lot with Pony they were fooling around and wrestling and then Steve said that his hands felt sticky. When he looked his palms were lightly layered with blood, he asked to see Ponys wrists and saw the cuts going up his arm"Soda took a deep breath and looked over at Pony who was stirring

Then I heard soft sobs coming from behind me and I looked and saw Steve standing in the doorway. Steve was looking at Ponyboy and crying I watched as he slowly walked over to Pony not even noticing that we were sitting there. I looked back at Darry and Soda and they were watching Steve to in awe and confusion. Steve was now next to Pony and started gently rubbing his hair and mumbling something, I saw a few tears drop from his eyes to Ponys cheek.

"Don't die"Steve mumbled clearly enough for us to hear

"you cant die"

"im sorry Pone, im so sorry that I always acted like I didnt like you and had a grudge against you for nothing, im so so sorry"steve was now holding Ponys hand

I coughed, breaking the silence that was in the room other than Steves' sobs and mumbles

Steve quickly turned around and wiped his eyes on his shirt and cussed under his breath

"steve what's the matter?"Soda asked

"I-I heard some nurses talking and they were talking about Pony"Steve drew in a deep breath then continued

"they said he was losing way too much blood, and his body is not gonna be able to take much more blood loss"Steve gulped and I felt my body tighten, was this really the end for Ponyboy?

Then a doctor came into the room, we all looked up at him, hating him, we expect him to just fix people in a snap I guess.

"I-is it true?"Soda said standing up fighting back tears but I saw one escape

"is what true?"the doctor asked confused

"is it true that my brother is going to d-die?"Sodas voice was shaky

"Boys your brother is going to be fine, we just got in a whole bunch of blood supplies that we are gonna need to get Pony through this, and I am about to stitch up his arm so if you will excuse me"

Then the doctor asked Darry for a hand while they moved Pony onto a rolling bed and then he nodded at us and left the room. I let out a sigh of relief and looked at Soda who was calming down, Darry was holding his forehead thanking god and Steve was wiping his eyes. I couldn't help myself and I started laughing at Steve who gave me an evil look and then mumbled about heading back to work and left.

**Sodapop POV**

I got to see Ponyboy a half hour after his stitching and I was glade I couldn't wait to see him now that he was awake.

"Hey Ponyboy!"I said as I entered the room

"hey"he said so quietly I almost didnt hear him

"you feeling okay?"I asked I put my hand on his forehead, he was hot and sweating

"the doc said that I would feel sick"he said in a trance

"oh okay"I said sitting down next to him on the bed

"Mr. Curtis may I speak with you please?"the doctor who had patched up Pony was standing in the doorway

"Sodapop Curtis"he corrected and I followed him out the door

"what's up Dr. Green?"I asked when we were out of Ponys sight

"im afraid that Ponyboy is going to have to go to an asylum for a little while, to get his condition fixed"

I stood there not breathing, his words hit me hard and I didnt know what to say or do, for some reason I didnt even think about them taking Pony away, it never crossed my mind.

"What?"I asked maybe I was just hearing him wrong

Dr. Green sighed before he tried telling me again

"your brothers condition, cutting, is said after being treated that the patient is to go straight to the nearest asylum to try and cure him. So then hopefully something like this will never happen again to your brother"

"my brother is not crazy"I said I could feel myself burning with anger

"I never said that your brother was crazy Sodapop"the doctor said trying to reassure me

"then why in gods name does he have to go to an asylum!"I shouted louder than necessary

"please Soda, calm down, I am only abiding by the laws your brother has to go to an asylum and that is that"the doctor gave me a quizzical stare before turning and walking away

I stood in the hallway for a little bit, sort of soaking in the fact that Pony will have to leave me. For a little while at least. I sat down in a bench in the hall with my head in my hands, then I remembered that Pony was probably wondering where I was, so I went back into his room. But when I got in there Pony wasn't in the room I called his name but no one answered then I pressed the button next to Ponys bed that would send for a nurse. One showed up shortly and when I told her what happened she went to a chart next to Ponys bed.

"He wasn't scheduled to go anywhere"she said

"then where is he?"I asked impatiently, I wasn't usually rude but I was in a bad mood at then moment

"oh dear"she said then rushed over to a phone on the wall

I heard her talking to Dr. Green since he was Ponyboys' doctor she told him the news and then nodded and hung up the phone.

"Please lock all exit doors, please lock all exit doors"

a voice sounded off the loudspeaker

"we have an escapee again lock all exit doors, please lock all exit doors thank you"the voice clicked off and then I walked outside the room where people were running around all looking for one person, Ponyboy.


	10. bang

_This chapter is dedicated to **fictionlover2 Curtisbrothersfan and booklover81 **because they're the only damn people that reviewed for my last chapter!_

_Come on people your breaking my heart here, your suppose to review so I know what to fix or if it's good and stuff! For those of you who did review thanks a lot im really glade this story is coming out alright! _

_**Ponyboys POV**_

I was sitting in bed staring at the blood package next to me and watched blood slowly drip through a tube and into my body. Then I heard Dr. Green and Sodapop talking outside, probably about my condition, when I would be let out stuff like that. But when I listened closer I heard Dr. Green say something about me _having_ to go to an asylum I could feel all the blood that was just put into my body drain out. I had to get out of there, their was no way I was going to any asylum, ever! So I grabbed a hold of the metal pole that had the package of blood on top that was attached to my arm and wheeled it next to me. When I crept out of my room I saw Soda sitting on the bench just a little down the hall, he had his head in his hands so I quickly walked in the other direction. Some nurses gave me a few stares but didnt question me, I couldn't just walk out the front doors since someone would see me. So I had to find an EXIT door some where down a hallway probably. Well first things first was to find an elevator since I was on the 3rd floor, there was one in the middle of the hall I was walking in.

I stepped in and pressed the button that read **Ground Floor** then I carefully walked out of the elevator the sound of the pole with my blood trailing next to me.

I just made it out of the elevator when I heard

"Please lock all exit doors, please lock all exit doors"

a voice sounded off the loudspeaker

"we have an escapee, again lock all exit doors, please lock all exit doors thank you"

Shit. They must be talking about me, I don't know how many escapees this hospital gets a day, but they must be talking about me. I quickly hid behind a corner as I saw some janitors running around to lock all the EXIT doors they could find. I was getting pretty cold, since I was only wearing a gown and underwear underneath. When there was no one left in that hallway I quickly made a run for it, well it was more of a quick walk. I reached an EXIT door at the end of the hall but it had already been locked, which really sucked. But I found a door into a stair well and tried it, it was opened luckily so I quickly went inside. I saw a doctor though the doors window walk by the door and I held me breath as I watched him dial a # on the pay phone. I heard some of the conversation and figured out he was talking to the police telling them to patrol the area. I looked down the stairs then up the stairs and figured I should go down to the basement, I picked up the wheeling pole whenever I went down the steps. I guess it was from just getting a blood transfusion because I was starting to feel _very_ lightheaded and tired. I stood in an abandoned hospital hallway in the basement and figured this is where they kept old junk and livers that they take out of people. The thought of dead bodies sitting in the hospital, probably on this floor was giving me the creeps. But before I started to venture down the quiet hallway I saw another smaller set of stairs leading up to a door that led to the back parking lot of the hospital! I slowly made my way over, the room was now slowly started to spin but I easily found the railing for the stairs and was ready to make my way up them.

"Stop right there young man"a deep voice said from behind me causing me to jump our of my skin

I turned around and saw the hospital security guard holding a gun and pointing it at me

"don't try to escape, I will fire"the officer said

"well than good thing im in a hospital"I answered before making my run for it

I reached the door when I heard someone yell out "NO!" and then a shot rang out through the empty hall, followed by a pain in my side.

I felt myself sway a little then finally I fell, I couldn't stop from falling even though I tried to grab this pole next to me, to keep my balance. That was before I realized that it was the poll the was holding my blood which would come right down with me, since it was attached and everything. I fell down the stairs backwards, you can imagine how much it hurt good thing it wasn't a lot of stairs tho.

"How dare you shoot my brother!"I heard Sodapop yell

"listen kid, it's the rules"I heard someone else say who I guess was the guard

"Ponyboy? Baby are you alright? Can you hear me?"I heard Soda who was shaking me but I couldn't move

"don't worry Sodapop, he's going to be alright, Dr. Carrothers could you help me get him onto this stretcher?"it was Dr. Greens voice

Then I felt myself being lifted onto the uncomfortable bed on wheels and rolled over to an elevator which I don't remember seeing.

I let out a groan an I felt my face tighten when a pain from the shot go through my body.

"Ponyboy! It's alright baby were getting you back to your room, your gonna be alright"Soda was holding my hand

I could feel the blood coming out of my back, it was a funny feeling then the elevator beeped and I heard the doors open slowly. I could hear people whispering around me and then I heard a voice ring over the speakers.

"We have found the escapee, you may reopen all EXIT doors thank you"

"again, we have found the escapee, he is alright and you may now open all EXIT doors, that is all"

"Alright? You call _shooting_ my brother alright?"I heard Soda saying to the doctors

"please calm down Soda, if we hadn't shot him he could have escaped. Besides if he did escape he might have died, he had just gotten a blood transfusion and is in no condition to be walking around"Soda shut up after that

When I finally reached my room I was quickly worked on, they injected a shot into me and soon I drifted off into sleep.

_Don't forget to review people! Pleaseee and thankyouuu_


	11. just like jail

_I fooled you.. Fooled youu! Mwahhaha I am evil! I am now convinced go ahead read you'll see what I mean _

**Ponyboys POV**

"Why doesn't it hurt?"

"Why doesn't what hurt Ponyboy?"it was Dr. Green

"my side where you shot me"

"Shot you? With the tranquilizer? I wouldn't assume you would still be sore today, the only soreness you might feel was probably from falling down those stairs"

"what?"I tried sitting up but found myself too weak and slowly laid back down

"take it easy Ponyboy"

"you shot me, I know you did, I even felt it and Soda even said it!"

"Pony the security guard shot you with a tranquilizer gun, one made specifically if something like this happens. You see you didnt fall asleep because this tranquilizer would have the effect of just paralyzing your body for a period of time"

"but I heard Soda say something like 'you shot my brother!' and when you had me laying down I could even feel blood coming out of my back"

"yes, soda did think that we shot you and was pretty much ready to take that tranquilizer gun and shoot us. But I reassured him that it was only a tranquilizer and nothing else, as for the blood.. Im sure that was just your imagination"Dr. Green patted my shoulder and then walked over to a table

"that is so weird"I whispered to myself

I slowly sat up and propped myself against the backboard of the bed and watched Dr. Green fumble around with some medical stuff. When I was moving I felt something around my ankle and took the covers off to get a better look. There was a metal bracelet around my right ankle and a long cord attaching me to the bed post.

"Dr. Green, what is this?"I asked while poking the metal bracelet

"that Ponyboy, is your security ankle bracelet"Dr. Green smiled then continued fiddling with needles

"Your kidding me right?"I asked

"no Pony im afraid not, after that stunt you pulled we couldn't take any chances" he now turned around to face me

"besides some patients were complaining that they didnt feel comfortable with you in here if you might me mentally unstable and possibly dangerous. So I had to reassure them that I would have you safely kept in your room" he walked over to me with a needle in his hand

"mentally unstable?"I questioned

"yes Pony at this point in your stage you are considered mentally unstable, now give me your arm"he put out his palm

"no"I had enough with this hospital and especially with this doctor

"Pony I said give me your arm"his tone raised

"why should I?"I asked challenging him

"Pony please just give me your arm, or else I will have to call backup"

"go ahead, see if I care"I refused to give into this meat head

"as you wish"I watched him as he radioed onto the speaker for other doctors to report to room 103, my room. In a pretty short amount of time two more doctors appeared in the doorway.

"What's the problem Jack?"the muscular one asked

"this one is refusing to give me his arm so I can inject his medication"Dr. Green said irritably

"I'll hold his left"said the scrawnier one

"be careful that is his more injured arm"

"yes sir, say? Is this the youngster who tried to escape?"said scrawny man

"yes he is, and he is a very stubborn child"normally im not but these doctors are pissing me off

When the first hand touched me I started wiggling best I could to shake em off me but my body was still weak from the blood transfusion. To top it off I didnt fully recover from the paralyzing tranquilizer yet either.

"Boy he's pretty strong for his age and condition"Mr. Muscles said once he firmly got me held down

"I would expect, this boy doesn't live in the best neighborhood, and has to often protect himself"Dr. Green said while injecting the stupid needle into my skin

"you don't have to talk about me like im not here"I said still struggling to get free

"that ought'a do it, thank you doctors"Dr. Green said while taking a sip of water from his water bottle

Once the other doctors left the room Dr. Green sat down into a chair next to my bed and scratched his head. (_Heyy, I rhymed! Haha)_

"Ponyboy, im sorry but I have some misfortunate news"he looked at me with fake sad eyes

"what, what's wrong?"afraid that something might have happened to one of my brothers

"you are going to have to go to an asylum after your weeks stay in the hospital"Dr. Green said putting his hand on my arm

"I already knew that, golly Dr. Green, you had me scared to death!"

"Oh, you know?"

"Well yeah, why do you think I tried to escape in the first place?"

"I didnt think you were doing it for any specific reason"Dr. Green stared at me in a funny way

"Is my brother coming today?"

"Yes I believe Darry said that he would be in around 5:30.. Which is in a half an hour and Soda will be by at 6:00"

"cool"

Dr. Green got up and started for the door

"How long is this thing?"I asked referring to the bracelet

"that cord will allow you to reach the bathroom, and that is all"he patted the wall then walked out, I looked at the bathroom which was about two feet away from my bed.

I felt like I was in prison.

_Yay! Now review and you'll get another chapter )_


	12. when in doubt stick your tounge out

_Yay I got some Darry in this one, aww there is nothing cuter than brotherly love._

_Not as long as I would have hoped but it'll do._

**Darrys POV**

I walked into the hospital and ran right up to Ponyboys room, Soda had told me about the incident that happened and I wasn't too pleased with Pony. I saw him fiddling with something on his ankle and I was about to walk in when Dr. Green came out of no where. That guy's kinda freaky.

"Look at him"he said in a whisper

I looked at Pony and then back at Dr. Green

"he's such a smart boy, his mind is always running, you see that.. He's got some sort of pin in his hand and is trying to remove his security bracelet. I must say this child is one of my most intriguing patients, he's one of a kind"

"yeah"I agreed

"uh, security bracelet sir?"

"Oh yes, you've heard of mister escapees escape, haven't you?"Dr. Green looked at me with his small beady eyes

"oh, yeah"

"well this bracelet is to make sure he doesn't try something like that again, for the safety of my other patients and himself"he looked at pony who was still deep in his task

"safety of your other patients? What do you think my brothers going to do?"I asked getting annoyed at what he was _trying_ to say

"Darrel, your brother is in a very unstable mental state and needs to be well looked after and we cant have him escaping again, what if one of the other patients were hurt in any way?"

I sighed

"come let's step in, im sure he'll be happy to see you"Dr. Green stepped into the room and I followed

"It's not going to work Pony, so you can just give up now"he said to Pony who quickly hid the needle and covered his ankle when Dr. Green entered the room

"golly Doc, do I really hafta keep this damn thing on me?"Pony asked sitting back and sticking his tongue out at Dr. Green when he turned around. I smiled.

"I am not going over this with you again Pony, and give me that needle.. You know that you're not allowed to posses any sharp objects"Dr. Green said sticking his hand out to Pony who reluctancy placed the needle in it

Pony made a groaning noise.

Dr. Green unwrapped Ponys' bandaged arm, revealing stitches with dried blood on them. He put some type of ointment on the cut and then re-wrapped it in new cloth. He went up to some beeping machines next to Pony scribbled something on his chart then took his pulse. He said it was a little lower than normal and that he should try to relax and not move around so much.

"Please doc, im strapped to the bed! Im not going anywhere"Pony slumped back and then looked at me, just realizing that I was in the room

"oh hey Dar"Pony said, his face softened

"um doc could you excuse us"Pony said motioning for the door

"I'll tell you when im leaving Mr. Curtis"he said before nodding and walking out of the room

"hey"Pony said happily

"hi, how's it going?"I asked

"please? With Dr. Bimbo over there, how do you think it's going.. They think they'll be putting me in the asylum about this"he pointed to his arm

"but it'll be from putting up with him, golly anybody can go crazy with that guy"I smiled but then straightened up again

"now Pony, where do you get off pulling a stunt like you did! We don't want you having to stay at the asylum any more then they need you to. And I guarantee you gave yourself extra time stay with what you did, they'll be given your whole hospital record. Then determine your stay by that, and the condition your currently in.. Im not happy with you going there and I don't want you there that long. A place like that can change somebody, almost like jail, but not as bad, I don't want anything like that happening to you"

Pony was silent and I took a seat next to him

"Pony I love you"

"I love you too Dar"he looked up at me with big pleading eyes

"but im curious how close were you to getting out of here?"I asked and a smile danced across Ponys face

"real close, I even had my hand on the doorknob but then that guy shot me"he said

"your really something kid"

I smiled and hugged my brother, I would love this kid no matter what.

_okay so you got your other chapter, now where are my reviews?_

_You remember our deal a chapter for a review _


	13. A Better Road yeah right

_Heres your chapter and thanks for the reviews! Lets try this thing again, review and a chapter! I think it's working fine well Ponys in the asylum now, hope you like this chap.!_

**Ponyboys POV**

Today was moving day. My brothers would be here shortly to drive with me to the asylum, an asylum called "a better road". Pshh. I waited in my bed silently thinking about what it was going to be like in the asylum, then I started thinking if it was gonna be better than staying in this place. Dr. Green strode into the room, chart in hand and a fake smile on his face.

"You know what today is Ponyboy?"he asked starting to fiddle with my wires

"moving day?"I stated

"yes, yes it is"he smiled at me

"I must say I am going to miss you Ponyboy"he took out a key

"im sure you will"I answered

"but im sure you'll be happy to know that I will see you every other week"

"im enthusiastic"I said sarcastically

Then Dr. Green removed my sheets and unlocked my security bracelet with the key, I felt it slowly be pulled off my ankle, it felt so good. Then Sodapop and Darry walked into the room, they also had on fake smiles, only happy for the alone time we'll be able to have in the car.

"Come on Pony"the doctor said putting a hand on my shoulder

I stood up and wobbled a bit, but I got some support from Dr. Green who kept mumbling "take it easy". I already had my jeans on with the hospital gown over it, so I took off my gown feeling the cool air of the hospital hit my stomach. I took my shirt off the chair where it's been laying carelessly ever since I got here. Then I finally regained balance without the help of Dr. Green but he still kept a firm grip on my shoulder, obviously afraid that I'd run away. People in the hallway stared as I walked by and I hated it but ignored it because I had a half an hour ride alone with my brothers. Dr. Green walked us out to the car and reminded Darry to keep a careful eye on me for the hundredth time. Then Dr. Green said goodbye to me for the fifth time, and we were on our way, the first few minutes of the car ride were silent. All three of us sat up front, me in the middle of my two brothers. I breathed in the cool air and felt free, no walls surrounding me just me and the free air.

"Im sure gonna miss you Pony"Soda said with tears in his eyes

"your gonna be able to visit me aren't you?"I asked

"yeah, but only on Saturdays"Darry answered

Then I realized that I had forgotten to ask Dr. Green how long I was gonna stay there for, but then I figured Darry probably knew.

"How long?"I asked

"2 months"Darry said his throat sounded dry

"2 months?"I asked that was like an eternity

I heard Soda make a gulping noise and I felt sick.

I spent the rest of the car ride in Sodas' embrace and Darry occasionally glancing over at us and brushing my hair back. We didnt need to talk just the fact that we were all together was enough, at least for me. We arrived at the asylum quick, too quick and then I realized that I really didnt want to go. The asylum didnt know how I was, they didnt know that I have nightmares and that it's easier for me to sleep with someone, no not someone, Sodas arms around me. They didnt know. I gripped Soda harder and he stroked my back, didnt want to leave me brothers, I was gonna miss em. One day a week wasn't gonna be long enough, not for me.

"Ponyboy Curtis?"a voice said from the outside of the car

"right here"Soda said gesturing to me

"come on"the guy said

Soda opened the door and we all got out of the car in resolute silence.

"You may all say goodbye"said the man

Soda embrace me hard and long, then I felt Darry grab the other side and Soda kiss me on the top of my head. Then I reluctantly followed the doctor to the old dirty brick building with rust colored words that read A Better Ro d. It made me think that I was going fishing instead of to an asylum, I looked back at my brother who were still standing there. Then I walked though big heavy doors that made a locking noise when they closed behind us.

"Your gonna have no luck of trying to escape from this place"the man who had a firm grip on my arm said

I didnt answer.

He led me up to the front desk, a small woman was working behind it with dark brown hair that stuck out of a bun that rested carelessly on top of her head.

"May I help you?"she asked

"yes I am registering a new patient"the man that I still didnt know said to the woman

"name?"she stated

"Ponyboy Curtis"

"Ponyboy?"she questioned

"yes Ponyboy, Curtis"the man repeated

"state the reason why he is here"she said sounding like a recording on a machine

"cutting of the wrists"

I stood there looking around the empty waiting area listening to them talk about me, and saw the woman eyeing me suspiciously as he said "cutting of the wrists". Shouldn't she be used to cases like this?

"Yes, he was scheduled to come in today, your all clear"she said typing viscously at the keyboard

"room?"the man asked

"245"she said licking her lips

The man walked away dragging me along side of him, gripping my arm tightly and waiting for an elevator to open.

"You don't have to hold me so tight"I said my arm starting to throb

"don't you tell me what I can and cannot do"the man said in a sneer

what was this guys problem? I was actually starting to miss Dr. Green.

Then elevator opened and we stepped in, well _he_ stepped in I was dragged in, uncomfortably by my arm.

"I am Dr. Burns by the way"the man said, his eyes unmoving

"are you m-my doctor?"I asked

"nope, luckily for you"the man answered and the first time since I got here I was happy

When the doors of the elevator opened Dr. Burns led me down a hall that smelled of fresh pine, and the floors were shiny like they were just cleaned.

"Here we are"Dr. Burns said leading me into a room

The room was small with a tv in the corner and bars on the windows, the door was metal and painted white, with a little window toward the top.

"Your doctor, Dr. Chambers will be with you shortly"Dr. Burns said and releasing my arm and locking the door behind him, I rubbed my sore arm.

I walked over to my bed and couldn't imagine spending the remaining two months locked in this room. After about ten minutes of sitting by myself I heard the click of the door being unlocked and a young doctor stepped in with a smile on his face.

"Hello Ponyboy, I am Dr. Chambers"he said walking over to me

I didnt say anything, just stared up at him.

"Would you like to tell me anything about yourself?"he asked

I still didnt respond.

He nodded and looked around the room then settled his eyes back on me.

"I hope you will like your stay here at A Better Road"Dr. Chambers stood there shifting nervously

"well I will have a meeting with you every Tuesday and Friday in the recording room"

I just sat there.

"You will be able to see your brothers every Saturday too, that is if you are willing to cooperate and behave"he added

"well lunch is in an hour I'll be back then"he said then left locking the door behind him

This place is how I always pictured prison, except this place was very clean, and prison I pictured dirty and smelly. I was pretty hung over having to stay in this hell hole for a whole two months and found myself becoming very stubborn. I walked over to the bar covered window and looked out it watching people walk in a court yard down below. The sun was gleaming through the window, giving the room a sunny look but It made me feel depressed. Having to stay in here when I would usually be outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. I was gonna hate it here, I knew I was.

_K, you read now review!_


	14. im crazy

_Yay another chapter, keep those reviews coming guys! Come on now im dying over here without knowing how im doing!. For those of you who did review thanks! And im really glade your liking the story._

**Ponyboys POV**

Staying in the asylum started making me feel depressed, it's such a lousy feeling. I've felt depressed before like when mom and dad died but for some reason that didnt last more than a week. I also felt depressed when Johnny and Dally died, which is how I got here but after a while I didnt really feel _depressed_ anymore. But right now is a different story, I feel depressed, but in a way I cant handle, it hurts. I don't know what to do with myself it's like im going crazy, I feel like a horse when it's trapped in a small place for too long and just needs to break out. Most of the time I find myself pacing around the room, my speed only getting faster and faster my mind racing. Now im doing it again. I looked up at the door and saw a Doctor watching me through the little window at the top. When I looked up he quickly walked away, that made me laugh, was I scaring that guy? Haha. Then the door unlocked and I looked over again, there was a nurse standing in the doorway.

"Um.. Ponyboy?"she asked

I nodded.

"You need to come with me"she stated

I walked over to her and she led me down a hallway, some big doctor was following close behind us, and I got nervous.

"Here you are"she said pushing me into a big door

I walked into the room and the first thing I noticed was the two security guards standing in the corner of the room. Then I saw Dr. Chambers sitting down at one end of a table and another chair opposite of him. He motioned for me to sit down and I heard the door close and lock behind me. I slowly made my way over to the table and sat down, it was cold in that room and a shiver went up my spine. Dr. Chambers set a small tape recorder on the table and pressed the play button.

"First session with patient Ponyboy Curtis"he said to the recorder

I sat there staring at the recorder spinning around and around.

"Hello Ponyboy, how are you today?"he asked me

I just looked up at him.

"Ponyboy?"he asked

I still didnt answer.

"Ponyboy, do you remember our deal? If you cooperate, you will be able to see your brothers on Saturday, but only if you are willing to talk with me"he said fiddling with a pencil

I nodded.

"Let's start out with a simple question"he looked around the room

"how do you like it here?"he asked

"lousy"I decided that I wouldn't talk so much, Maybe one or two words at a time.

"Okay, well you'll get used to it, and maybe grow to like it here"he said smiling

I shrugged.

"How have you been feeling lately?"he asked

"depressed"I said quietly

"why is that?"he asked

I didnt answer.

"Ponyboy? Come on now you were doing fine"

I didnt answer.

"Some of our doctors have found you violently pacing around your room"I looked up at him

"is there something on your mind Pony?"he asked

I didnt answer.

"If your not going to cooperate Pony, im gonna have to send you back to your room"

I didnt answer.

He lifted the recorder up to his mouth.

"Patient Ponyboy Curtis will be sent to his room for not cooperating, end of first session"then he clicked the stop button and placed the recorder down

Dr. Chambers stood up and brought me back to my room, where I was locked in and left alone, again. Today was Tuesday. Only my second day here and I already cant stand it, I really feel like im going crazy. I walked over to my window with bars on it and stared down at the green courtyard below. I watched patients being walked with a doctor or a nurse holding on to them for life. I watched until the sun set and it got dark out, but I still watched like I was waiting for something. But nothing was happening. Then I thought that maybe this is all a dream and I need to wake myself up and quickly. I could be in bed with Soda right now and not even know it, and im not there to enjoy Sodas company, I need to wake up. I looked around the room, how can I wake myself up? Maybe me cutting was all a dream, maybe Dally and Johnny dying was all a dream, maybe my whole life was all just one big dream. My mind was racing but I didnt know what to think, I started pacing around my room more quickly than before. I also started mumbling things out loud and I didnt even realize it, until I heard Dr. Chambers voice. I looked up and saw him and two other doctors in the doorway staring at me like I was a wild _crazed_ horse. They walked up to me and I back away from them, I backed myself all the way into a corner of my room. I was sweating and my gown was sticking to my neck and back, "this is a dream"I mumbled it over and over.

"Ponyboy relax"I stared at Dr. Chambers like I didnt know him

and maybe I didnt.

"It's just me Pony"he said coming closer

I started to kick and scream.

"You're a dream! I wanna go home!" I screamed, one doctor came very close to me and I kicked him in the face he flew backward.

"SODA! DARRY!"I screamed on the top of my lungs

"Pony, settle down this instant!"Dr. Chambers was screaming at me

"DARRY! SODA!"I screamed again

Dr. Chambers was calling backup and two more doctors came into the room, now there were five of them surrounding me, The one I kicked nose was bleeding, but not badly.

"Ready, grab him!"all of them sprang for me

I fought them as best I could, all of a sudden their faces morphed into socs and I screamed and kicked harder, then they were the gang, then doctors again. Then they finally got me down hard and I couldn't move, my heart was pounding wildly and I was having trouble breathing.

"Ponyboy, relax, everythings going to be fine"Dr. Chambers said still firmly holding my arm

Then Dr. Chambers took out a needle and injected it into my arm, and I felt my body start to numb. The doctors lifted me up and placed me on my bed, I felt my eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, then they closed.


	15. a ghost named Pony

_I just bought OUTSIDERS last night! Yay! I almost already broke my disk from rewinding Sodas shower scene so much.. Gah I love him - _

_anyway yes yes here is another chapter for you, hope you like it!_

_But don't you forget to review! Thanks!_

**Sodas POV**

I woke up to the sun peering through the window, I was holding Ponys pillow in my arms and then I jumped out of bed.

"Darry! Darry!"I yelled and ran into the kitchen

"what? What's wrong?"he asked dripping jelly from the knife he was holding

"It's Saturday! We get to see Pony!"I screamed

"take it easy Soda"Darry laughed and I ran back to my room to get dressed since I was only in my underwear (_drools_)

I heard Darry dialing a number on the phone and figured he was calling the asylum to ask when would be a good time to come over.

I walked into the kitchen and sat down stealing the piece of toast that Darry had just put jelly on. He made a face at me and was about to say something, but then he turned his direction back to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Uh, yes hi this is Darrel Curtis, Ponyboys older brother.."

Pause.

"U huh"

pause.

"yeah I was just wondering what would be the best time for me and Soda to come in and see Pony"

"what?"

Long pause.

"What do you mean we cant see him.."

I looked up at Darry with confused eyes and he turned his back to me

"what's wrong with my brother?"he said rubbing his hands through his hair

"alright, thank you"then he hung up and turned around to face me

"Darry? What's wrong?"I asked my stomach getting a sick feeling

"we cant see Pony today.."Darry said, sitting down

"what do you mean!"

"He hasn't been cooperating down at the asylum.. Like not talking and violent behavior"he said taking a deep breath

"that's not like Pony"I said

"sounds like that place is making him worse.. Not better"

"take it easy Soda, im sure they're doing the best they can for him"but I could tell that Darry wasn't sure either

god I missed Pony.

**Ponyboys POV**

"hello Pony.. How are you today?"Dr. Chambers entered the room

"I brought you some food"he said placing a tray down on the table next to my bed

"Pony you don't look so good.. Are you feeling okay?"I knew I looked lousy

"you know today is Saturday"I remembered Soda and Darry and slowly looked up at Dr. Chambers.. Only to see a frown on his face and my heart sank

"im sorry Ponyboy, but I told you that you could see them only if you behaved"I closed my eyes but a tear still escaped

"are you still feeling depressed?"Dr. Chambers asked

I nodded.

"Well I got some anti-depressant pills for you.. Would you like to try them?"

"Here you are"he placed a pill next to my food tray

"you should take those with a meal, or else they might make you feel sick"he said leaving the room

I felt tired and withdrawn I got up from my bed and went into the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. I looked really strange, not like myself at all.. I was glade Darry and Soda wouldn't be seeing me. I was as white as a bed sheet and had dark circles under my eyes, it was always how I pictured what I would look like as a ghost. I went back to my bed and took the anti-depressant pill in my hand, allowing it to roll around. Then I took it and placed it inside the sandwich on my tray and laid down in my bed, it wasn't cold in the room but I was shivering. A nurse came in my room a while later and took my untouched tray out of my room, I pretended to be asleep but opened my eyes after she left. It went on like this for another week.

**Next Saturday**

**Dr. Chambers POV**

I dialed the number to the Curtis' house that morning I waiting six long rings and was about to hang up until I heard a sleepy voice answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello Darrel?"I asked

"no this is Sodapop, Darrys asleep"

"oh, Sodapop? This is Dr. Chambers calling from the asylum"

"yeah?"the voice sounded much more awake now

"im calling on the behalf of Ponyboy"

"is he okay?"

"Well im not too sure, he still hasn't been cooperating.. But I figured maybe a visit from his brothers might bring him out of this state"

"you mean I can visit him!"

"Well.. Yes I suppose you should"

"great! Thanks! Um what time?"

"Any times fine.."

"Great I'll be there soon!"

Beep beep beep. Goodbye to you too.. I laughed.

**Sodapops POV**

We arrived outside of the asylum In no time, and I barely waited for Darry to park and I ran out the door. Darry followed close behind me and we ran up to the counter an old woman was occupying the seat and chewing loudly on a piece of gum.

"May I help you boys?"she asked

"yes.. Ponyboy Curtis' room?"Darry answered

"I'll take them Dalores"we turned around to see a young doctor make his way over to us

"hello im Dr. Chambers"he said sticking out his hand and we both shook it

"you must be the one I talked to on the phone.. Soda?"he asked looking at me

"yup.. Uh sorry I hung up on you"I stated

"quite all right"he smiled and led us over to an elevator

"now I must warn you, he doesn't look quite so good"

"what'ya mean?"I asked

"well he's lost some weight.. And hasn't been eating"Dr. Chambers said walking out of the elevator and leading us up to a big door with a small window at the top

"but we hope that a visit from you two will maybe knock him out of it"he unlocked the door and allowed us inside, locking the door behind us and leaving us alone with Pony

I looked over at the limp figure laying carelessly on the bed and watched Darry steal a worried glance at me. We walked over cautiously, Pony was asleep but he looked like he should be dead. He was whiter than the sheets and had dark rings around his eyes.. And some weight? I'd say he lost a _lot_ of weight. I watched as Ponys eyes easily fluttered open and stared at us like we weren't there. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, I looked nervously at Darry who had the same confused face on.

"Pony"I said quietly

Pony looked at me wildly

"Soda? Darry? Are you here for.. Real?"he asked reaching out his hand

He gently touched my shirt and started to cry, I took a seat next to him on the bed and Darry went on the other side. I held Ponys fragile body in my arms, he felt so light, I felt like if I squeezed him too hard he might snap.

"Golly.. What ever happened to you?"I said in a whisper

"I thought they said I couldn't see you"Pony said through sobs

"they figured if they allowed us to see you, you would start cooperating"I ran my fingers through his hair gently

I felt something hard brush against my arm and realized that it was Ponys stitches, I didnt know he still had them.

"Hey Pony.. When they taking those out?"

"Monday"he answered

We talked for a while longer, Pony, Darry and me until Dr. Chambers came in insisting that it was time for us to leave, that Pony needed to take his medicine. I followed Darry out to the car and we drove on home in silence until I finally spoke up.

"Darry.. He looked awful"

"I know Soda"he answered his voice sounding hoarse

"you think he's gonna start eating now?"I asked

"I sure hope so little buddy.. I sure hope so"I watched as a tear fell down Darrys face

This whole Pony thing was killing us.. But I was afraid that it was killing Pony even more.


	16. complications suck

_Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, but I hope you like it!_

_Omg did any of you watch 100 greatest teen child stars? Tommy Howell Pony Ralph Machio Johnny Tom Cruz steve and Matt Dillon Dally were on it!_

_Oh yeahh and Rob Lowe Soda was number 2! That's amazing if you ask me, haha_

_sorry I love Rob Lowe._

**Ponyboys POV**

I had started cooperating so they allowed visitors, I also started cooperating because if Darry said I didnt he would beat the tar out of me. That made me laugh. I heard the locks on my door click and I looked up to see Dr. Chambers entering the room.

"Good morning Ponyboy"

"mornin"I still didnt talk to much tho

"you have a visitor this morning"it wasn't Saturday so I knew it wasn't Soda or Darry

"who?"I asked

He smiled and stepped aside allowing a familiar face to step inside the room

"I'll leave you two alone"he said closing the door

"hey Ponyboy"

"Hi Cherry!"I said quickly standing up from my bed

"how you doing?"she asked

"fine, fine.. You?"I haven't seen her in so long

"me? Im fine.. It was you I was worried about"

I nodded

"Soda told me that you weren't doing so good, I got real scared Pony. But when he told me that you were improving.. I was so glade but I still just had to come see you.. Just to make sure"she smiled and I saw a tear fall from her eye

"it's alright Cherry"I said stepping closer to her

She threw her arms around me and cried onto my shoulder, it made me feel awful.. Once again I was blaming myself for hurting others.

"Gee Pony, you got so skinny"she said stepping back and looking at me

It was true, but I wasn't proud of it, I liked the build I had before.. It's gonna take a while to get that build back.

"it was good seeing you Pony.. But im gonna have to go"

"alright it was great seeing you too Cherry.. It really made me happy"I said looking down at my shoes

Cherry laughed a little then placed a kiss on my cheek, I almost fell over it felt so good coming from her.

"Bye Pony"

"bye"and then she left.

I fell back on my bed and smiled staring up at the ceiling, it was Monday and Dr. Green was coming to take out my stitches. I rested my eyes but ended up falling asleep and woke up a while later to the sounds of voices around me.

"Hey Ponyboy, miss me?"it was Dr. Green

"Sure"I answered with a sarcastic tone

I heard Dr. Green laugh and I sat up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes

"I came to take your stitches out"

"yeah I know"

"okay"then he took out a needle and injected it into my arm with the stitches

"this will make it numb for you"he said

Then he got to work, it was pretty painless which was good for me, and when Dr. Green was done he did a few other things. Like took my blood pressure and went to see if my breathing was okay.. Stuff like that.

"You check out fine Pony"he said to me smiling

"great"I said

"Pony, you might be able to go home in a couple of weeks"Dr. Chambers said

"Really!"I said almost jumping off the bed

"yup.. About 3 more weeks and you should be good to go, I must say I've seen quite an improvement in you"

I smiled happily

"but one thing I really want to see is you gaining weight, im very worried about your weight issues right now"he said

I nodded seriously.

Then the doctors exited the room talking about another patient that had just come in, turns out he has the same problem as me and will be rooming with me on account they're running out of space. My bed was moved over by the window and a new bed was brought in and placed near mine. I watched curiously as a boy maybe a little older than me was bought into the room and placed on the bed.

"Ralphie.. This is Ponyboy, Ponyboy Ralphie"I looked at him and smiled

he nodded his head and the doctors got him settled then exited the room

Ralphie had long dark brown hair that went just below his ears but parted in the front so it wouldn't cover his eyes. He stared at me in a funny way and it made me uneasy.

"What are you in here for?"I asked even though I already knew

"cutting, what do you care?"he said

"sorry, just trying to start conversation"I said turning my gaze out the window

"Ponyboy huh?"he said and I looked back over

"yeah"I said quietly

"real dumb name"he said with a sneer

"hey my father gave me that name"I said defending myself

"yeah well I bet he's a nit-wit like you"he said

"you leave my dad out of this"I said

"don't tell me what to do.. Your just a kid"he said

"shut your trap!"I yelled

"don't you talk like that to me kid.. I'll teach you a lesson you wont ever forget"he said coming close to me

Then he flicked a blade out that he had been hiding in his underwear, I don't know how he managed to sneak that past the doctors. He jumped onto my bed and we started rolling around, he was on top of me, holding the cold knife against my throat. I kneed him in the stomach and he withdrew the knife away from my throat, I thought I was gonna be able to get him off me now. But then I felt a sharp pain in my side and I looked at Ralphie who was holding a bloody knife in his hand and laughing.

"Are you crazy?"I yelled holding my side

I heard shouting and Dr. Chambers came into the room hitting Ralphies hand so hard the knife flew across the room. Then Dr. Chambers and a few other doctors took Ralphie away quickly, I watched as Ralphie kicked and squirmed. They brought him out the door and left me, it took me a second to register what had just happened. Then I felt another pain and pulled my hand away from my side, it was covered with sticky blood. The cut was deep and bleeding way too much I tried to stop it with the sheets on the bed.

"Pony!"Dr. Chambers yelled as he rushed to my side

"damn it hurts"I managed to get out through gasps of air

"it'll be alright"Dr. Chambers said going to a phone and asking for nurses and doctors

I was having trouble breathing and my vision was starting to blur, I watched as Dr. Chambers took the sheets from my grasp and held it against me tighter. I didnt know where to put my blood covered hands so let them stick a little up in the air I looked at my arms and they were shaking violently. For a second I felt like this wasn't me and I was watching a movie thought some body elses eyes. Then more doctors entered the room, all running around me crazily after a while I couldn't hear their shouts and felt myself being lifted. Everything turned into blurs of color until everything finally disappeared completely form my sight leaving me in a world of dark emptiness.

**Two-Bit's POV**

I got to the asylum as quick as I heard that Pony had been stabbed by another patient, and I wanted to bust that kids head in. I ran up the front steps and asked the lady at the front desk where Pony was now. Once I got the information I ran to the elevator and punched in the numbers, once I stepped out I saw Sodapop in a room right across from me.

"Hey Soda, how is he?"I asked entering the room

"okay I guess, but he's gonna need more blood transfusions now and even more medication"

I stared at Soda

"Two-Bit.. He could get real sick from all this shit going into him"Soda said on the verge of tears

I took my glance away from Soda and looked at Pony, this was the third time I was visiting him and he looked worse than he ever did. He was paler than a ghost and the dark circles around his eyes got darker, their was another blood sac next to him, attaching to his arm. He was once again wired up to all machines that were keeping track of his heart beat and pulse. Right then I felt so completely horrible for Pony, all the stuff he was going through.. It seemed impossible for me let alone someone Ponys size and condition to be surviving all of this. I slowly walked up to him, I watched his chest slowly rise and fall, he had wires going up his nose to help him breath and I wondered foolishly if those things up his nose was actually making it more complicated for him. I turned back to Soda and now saw Darry standing there next to him, tears in his eyes obviously feeling the same that I did for Ponys condition. Some doctor came in and told us that they stitched Pony up and that the other kid had gotten him good and deep. He also said that he still didnt know what caused the outburst but was assuring us that the kid was locked up. That made me feel better but I still wanted explanations like how the heck the kid got to him in the first place.

"How did it happen?"I asked

"it was my fault, I paired Pony up with another patient. but I assure you that I had to idea that he could be dangerous"the doctor said

"how did he get a blade?"I asked

"Two-Bit"Darry said but the Dr. Interrupted him

"He was stowing it away in his underwear, we imagine"

I just looked away from him and back to Pony, he looked so small and limp laying there in the gross hospital bed. I hoped that he would get better soon.

_Review review review!_


	17. sick

_Another one bites the dust! Okay another chapter thanks you all for the reviews you all rockkkkkkkkkk.. And im glade you are all really enjoying my story!_

_Okay short chapter I know.. Sorry.. I'll try and make the next one longer for youu_

**Sodapops POV**

I waited in the waiting room uneasily, walking around in circles like a mad man, tears were falling from my eyes. Darry was sitting in the chair in the corner, his head in his hands and I couldn't tell if he was crying or not. Two-Bit was sitting down with a blank expression on his face and he was white as a sheet. Steve kept giving me worried looks and he actually looked like he was going to ball at any moment. All of us were waiting for the news on Pony.. We were all visiting him when he stopped breathing. I remember the steady beeping of the machines going flat and my heart stopping. Doctors rushed in and quickly ushered us out of the room, where a nurse was waiting to escort us to the waiting room.

"Darrel? Sodapop?"I stopped my frantic walking pattern and looked up at Dr. Chambers

"your brother is fine, his heart it beating regular again"he said smiling

A wave of relief washed over me and I looked at Darry who actually had been crying, he quickly dried his tears and ran over to me.

Two-Bit whooped and Steve sniffled.

"Do you know what went wrong?"Darry asked

"yes, Ponyboy was having difficulty getting oxygen because the blood going into his body was getting blocked. But we fixed the malfunction and your brother is now awake and you all may go visit him."

"Thanks doc"we all made our way back to Ponyboys room

"Hey Pony"we all said as we entered

Pony looked semi-confused and short of air, his chest was rising and falling in short breaths, I looked over at Dr. Chambers concerned.

"He'll get his breath back soon"Dr. Chambers reassured my concerned glance at him

I nodded and made my way over to Pony and climbed into the bed with him, the gang surrounded us and Pony looked uncomfortable.

"You alright?"I asked softly

He looked at me and tried to force a smile but was too weak

"your okay now"I said rubbing his arm gently

Instead of the two tubes that were going up Ponys nose their was a mask, it looked too big for his face making him look sick and younger. Darry leaned it and gave Pony a gently hug being way careful not to move him too much. It seemed like their was an invisible force holding Pony down, the way he couldn't move too much. We stayed with Pony late into the day until we all eventually had to leave, we said out goodbyes and exited the hospital.

**Next Day**

**Darrys POV**

I woke Soda up the next morning and didnt have to wait long for him to get ready, then we ate breakfast and got into the car. We were anxious to see Pony he looked really awful the other day and the only thing I was thinking was, _well he cant get much worse_. I was wrong.

When we got to the hospital we ran up to Ponys room and was greeted by Dr. Chambers, he started telling us that Pony had got very ill. Maybe deathly ill. My heart sank. All of this.. Everything from the depression, cutting, getting jumped, drinking, asylum, stabbing.. Now he was sick. Dr. Chambers rambled on, telling us that it was from all the blood transfusions and medicine that has been going into his body and kinda overloading his small figure. So Soda had been right. I took a glance at Soda, he was starting to look sick himself, he gave me a worried glance and we entered Ponys room. It was silent except for the beeping of the machines and Ponys wheezing. The site of Pony made me sick to my stomach, he looked dead. Not sick. But dead. I would have even thought that he was dead if it weren't for his wheezing and rising chest. Sodas face looked hollow and tears were forming in his eyes, his bottom lip was starting to quiver. I didnt think it was fair for Soda having to see all of this, it could harm his happy-go-lucky view on life. I grabbed his arm gently and pulled him closer to me, he never took his gaze away from Pony.

"Soda?"I whispered

he was silent

"Soda I think you should wait outside"I said

He looked at me now, with a hurt expression in his eyes

"outside?"his voice was hoarse

"Darry.. Our brother is d-dying and you want me to go outside? I want to stay with him Dar"he answered his voice shaky

"alright little buddy im sorry"I said releasing his arm

Pony was asleep and I prayed silently for mom and dad to watch over my baby brother, and let him get better soon. Pony looked so fragile and I realized that Pony was stronger than anyone I knew, even me. For lasting this long and right now he is deathly ill and still holding on to life, I was amazed and admired Ponys will to live.

_What are you waiting for! Reviewwwwwwww _


	18. miracle recovery

_Read and review! Is all I have to say, oh and thanks again for all the reviews you guys rock my world!_

**Ponyboys POV**

I woke up this morning and the first thing I felt was empty. My body seemed drained almost like hollow. It made me feel weak and tired and I didnt know what was wrong with me.

"Ponyboy? You awake?"Dr. Chambers asked, a surprised tone in his voice

I nodded.

"You've been asleep for several days now"he said

"I have?"I asked, my voice was very hoarse

"yes, listen Pony you are very sick right now"he continued

I am? When did this happen.

"Do you remember anything?"he asked

"I remember that kid.. And the knife"I answered

"alright, well after that we needed to give you more blood transfusion and medicines so you got very ill, and you still are. But you have made an improvement the few days you've been unconscious, how are you feeling now?"

"Lousy, kinda like empty inside"

"quite understandable"he said nodding his head

"doc, im tired"

"yes you should be getting some more rest"he said

I didnt understand how I could possibly be tired, especially after sleeping the past couple of days. But then Dr. Chambers told me that Soda and Darry were coming by later to check on me, so I decided to get some sleep, so I could be awake for them.

**Later**

Dr. Chambers woke me up and told me that my brothers were here to see me, and that they were very glade that I had finally woken up. Then he exited the room and Soda and Darry walked in with smiles on their faces.

"Were awful glade your awake Pony"Soda said with a wide grin on his face

"yeah you had us scared, something awful"Darry added

"im glade im awake too"I said regaining some of my strength

"you better take it easy tho, you hear?"Darry ordered

"I hear"

Then Sodas face went from happy to mournful and I cautiously asked what was wrong, he gave me a sad frown.

"Hey Pony you know you friend Joey"Soda began

"yeah! How's he been.. Wow I haven't seen im in a while.. Is he here now?"I asked happily

"no.. um Pony, we've been hanging out with Joey these last few days. He kept saying that he was awful sorry that he got you drunk and to tell you that you better get better"Soda said

"he even tried several times to come visit you, been things kept interfering with his plans"Darry added

"well.. Is he coming today or something?"I asked

"Pony.. Joey was killed yesterday"Soda said carefully

"what?"I asked

I didnt believe him, he couldn't be dead. No, now Joey. Not all of them! Johnny, Dally, mom, dad, and now Joey?

"he was in a drug store and this guy came in with a gun he told the man behind the counter to give him the money. The man refused and the guy shot him then saw Joey standing in the corner of the room, and shot him too"Soda said with tears in his eyes

"no"I said hoarsely

"we shouldn't have told him"Dally said to Soda

"he needed to know Dar"Soda answered back

They both looked at me and I felt weak and tired, the room suddenly started spinning, I was sitting up in bed. I reached out for Sodas arm trying to steady myself and make the room stop spinning.

"Pony?"was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

**A Week and a half later**

I was feeling much better now and the doctors said that I made a 'miracle recovery'. But I was starting to get depressed again, since I didnt like hospitals and it was annoying me spending so much time in them. So the doctors came to the decision that I can go home tomorrow morning, and this I am truly grateful. I couldn't wait to get out of that hospital, even thought they said I was still a little ill and should take it slow. Now I am sitting here practically jumping off the bed, I had been drawing to kill the time in the hospital. Dr. Chambers found my drawings beside my bed and he said he was kind of disturbed and worried about them. One of the drawings was of Joeys murder, the other was of Johnnys death, the other of Dallas' and another one of me cutting. Their was one other one of me looking at a pink, orange and gold sunset on one side of the page. Then on the other side it showed me painting the sky black, I only drew how I felt but Dr. Chambers considered these calls for help. But I assured him that it was nothing then to prove my point I ripped them up infront of his face and threw them in the garbage. He said that he sure hoped that I was right, and once again I assured him I was. I waited for the sun to rise, I couldn't sleep I was so tired of being cooped up in this place, I thought I would go crazy if I stayed here any longer. When my brothers arrived Dr. Chambers gave them medication for me and told me that he would stop by once a week to check on me. I would have been doing no handed cartwheels is I wasn't still sick, instead I walked out of the hospital grinning from ear to ear. As soon as I got home I ate a slice of chocolate cake with chocolate milk, the medication I was on made me not hungry but I didnt care. I hadn't eaten something this good in a long long time and practically inhaled it of the plate.

"Take it easy"Soda said also grabbing a slice

"you'd be eating this fast if you've been living off of nutrients being transported through your body"I said with my mouth full

"when's the last time you ate an actual meal?"Darry asked me

"im not sure"I answered after swallowing

""I've been either not hungry, or I was sick or something so I couldn't eat"

"golly, no wonder your so skinny"Soda said comparing his arms width to mine

"look! Look how skinny his arms have gotten"he said

"well your bigger than me"I said not really thinking that I had lost _that_ much weight, I mean they made it seem like I was anorexic or something

I got up from the table and walked into the bathroom and took a nice long hot shower, then went right to bed. My bed. With Sodas arm around me. It was the most comfortable I have felt in a long while.

I woke up the next morning to Two-Bits face staring wildly at me and I almost jumped out of my skin. Two-Bit started laughing.

"How bout I shove my face at you in the mornin and see how you like it"I said

"aw, you wouldn't scare me none"he said

"yeah your right.. Maybe I should hold up a mirror instead"I said laughing

Soda and Steve who were also in the room started cracking up and Two-Bit punched me playfully and jumped on me.

"Hey Two-Bit, get off of him.. He's still sick and weak an all"Soda said as soon as Two-Bit got on me

"alright alright, you got off easy this time but I'll get you another time"he said to me and I smiled

It felt great to be back home, in mine and Sodas room, with the gangs company surrounding me.

I remembered about school and how much I have missed, I asked Soda about it and he told me that I was going to be assigned an assignment from each teacher, and if I did good on it, it would determine if I failed or passed that subject. Since it was the ending of the year I wouldn't be going back so Two-Bit was going to pick up my assignments and bring them to me.

"Oh, here I almost forgot, this is a letter from Joey, he wrote it a while ago but you were still asleep from being sick"Soda said as he left the room with Two-Bit and Steve and handed me a letter

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_I heard that you were doing lousy and everything, but I hope_

_that you feel better soon. I miss you a lot and I am awful_

_sorry that I got you drunk that night, but I didnt know what_

_else to do. I heard about that kid stabbing you too, golly_

_you've sure been through a lot huh? If I was you I think I _

_would have been dead already, and im not joking. I've_

_been hanging out with your brothers a lot lately, it was sorta_

_funny spending time with them, since I mainly only talked_

_to you but they're alright. I wish I had a family as caring as_

_yours Pony, you should be grateful for your brothers. They_

_sure do care about you an awful lot. It's hurting them, you_

_in the asylum and all I mean. So I hope you get better soon_

_for you and your brothers sake. I miss you man and cant_

_wait to see you!_

_Your friend,_

_Joey_

I felt a single tear escape from my eye and folded up the letter and put it in my desk drawer, right next to Johnnys note.


	19. round n round we go

_Another chapter is uppppppppp, yayyyyyyy for meeee but what I really want is reivewssssssss to get crackin people, let me know how you like it so far! K thankss_

**Two-Bits POV**

I walked into the Curtis' house early the next morning, but not early enough because Darry and Soda were both up and already getting ready for work.

"Thank god"Darry said when he saw me

"what?"I asked heading over to the fridge

"could you stay with Pony today? We would stay home but-"

"sure sure"I cut Darry off, watching the kid was no problem for me

"thanks a load Two-Bit"he said pulling on a shirt

Soda walked into the kitchen half asleep, at least im guessing because his outfit consisted of his work shirt, but no undershirt, boxers, and his converse.

"Nice outfit their buddy"I said laughing

"glory"he mumbled while heading back to his bedroom

I sat by eating a nice slice of chocolate cake and watching the Curtis house try to get ready in the morning, it was pretty entertaining. Soda was off his rocker today because each time he walked into the room he forgot something, and Darry was trying to tell Soda to get his head together. I just sat there and laughed, but they had time enough to stop and give me shut-the-hell-up stares. They finally got everything together, or so they hoped and were out the door and on their way to work. I put on tv and when Mickey wasn't on I went into Ponys room, to see if he was awake or not. I haven't seen the kid since his heart had failed that time, he's been too sick. When I walked into the room Pony was asleep but having a nightmare, he was sweating, shivering and shaking. I figured the best thing to do for the kid was to just wake him up, so I walked over to him and grabbed each arm. My hands fit all the way around his upper arms and that scared me, he at least used to be muscular over there. I shook him gently and he woke up after a few more shakes, his eyes opened with a terrified gleam in them.

"Hey Two-Bit"he managed to squeak out when he came around

"hey kiddo"I said patting him lightly on the shoulder

"you alright there?"

He nodded and got out of bed, and I followed him into the living room, he dragged his feet in a weird way like he wasn't strong enough to actually lift his feet up. And I guess he might not be, I mean still recovering from being sick and all. Darry told me that I had to give Pony his medication, that was suppose to be taken with food.

"Hey Pony you gotta eat something so I can give you your medicine"I said

"beside, food wouldn't hurt your body, your beginning to look boney"I added

"im not hungry"he said

"well I don't give a damn, your eating"I wasn't going to loose another member of our gang, especially Pony

Pony gave me a funny look with his eyes and for the first time I realized just how young Ponyboy was. I mean he was only fourteen years old and suffering through so much, I wonder what Pony would be doing right now if he lived in the country.. Away from murders and people dying, fights. Would he be healthy? Im sure of it. I could just imagine Pony living on a farm, tending horses and chewing on a piece of straw in his mouth. But that just wasn't the Pony I knew.

**Ponyboys POV**

Two-Bit had a thinking face on and was staring at me, but looking right through me.. I had to wave my hand in front of his face to knock him out of it. Then he got up and went over to the fridge taking out the last piece of chocolate cake and walking over to me.

"Eat"he said

"I cant" I replied

Believe me I would if I could, but I cant. From that piece of cake I had just last night I got a little bit sicker, I knew I shouldn't have eaten it. My medicine makes me not hungry but It was just so good.

"Before I shove it down your throat, eat it"he said a glare in his eye

"Two-Bit, I'll get sick"I said

"eating? When your more than half starved to death, it's gonna make you sick to eat?"he said, it did sound pretty lame but it was the truth

"I can still take the medicine"I said walking over to the counter and taking a pill out of a jar

"you sure? Darry said you had to take it with a meal"he protested

"but the medication I took last night made me not hungry already, and I have to take these twice a day"I said popping the pill in my mouth and swallowing it without water

"I don't know Pony.. This aint right"Two-Bit said looking down at the cake but then putting it back in the fridge

"trust me"I said

"id rather not eat than get sick again"

But my body did become very drained and it was hard to do anything that involved moving. Two-Bit kept giving me worried stares every time I stood up for too long and started to sway. I couldn't help it, the room just wouldn't stop spinning I felt like I was on a carousel or something, and it wont stop. I was standing up in the living room and Two-Bit was sitting down an watching tv when I started to sway again. Two-Bit noticed and got up immediately catching me just before I hit the floor.

"Pony what do you want me to do?"he asked

I just stared right now I was seeing two of him.

"Your too tired to even stand on two feet, and this damn medicine isn't helping either"Two-Bit said ferociously

He lifted me up and placed me down on the couch and then took a seat next to me, with a thinking look on his face.

"Were going to have to tell the doctor that he needs to find you different medicine. We cant have medicine that wont let you eat when your starved to death and need food"he took a look at me then added "and fast"

Now that I looked at myself more carefully my arms were very thin, my face was too and random bones on my body had started to stick out. Especially my ribs and collar bone, but I didnt know what to do.. I guess we did need to change my medicine.

**Later that night**

Two-Bit was still here and he was in the living room with Darry and Sodapop, they all thought I was asleep. But I was silently sitting down in the hallway listening to what they were talking about.

"Look ya'll I don't know if you've noticed or not but your brother is skin and bones"Two-Bit said and he sounded worried.

It was weird hearing this worried tone coming out of Two-Bit, he was usually never this worried about some one before. And that some one was me.

Soda and Darry were silent, so Two-Bit continued.

"You guys need to talk to that doctor about giving him medicine that allows him to eat"

there was a silent pause.

"Or your brother, my friend, Is going to die"

their was another pause and I felt my insides tighten. I don't wanna die.

I remembered Johnnys words.

"_I don't want to die now, it aint long enough, sixteen years aint gonna be long enough"_

I felt my throat get tight and my eyes started to fill up with tears. Fourteen years wasn't long enough. Not for me.

I got up to go back to my room and I guess I stood up a little too fast because the room started spinning again. I grabbed the wall to steady myself and made a banging noise when I grasped it, soon I saw Soda, Darry and Two-Bit looking at me.

"See"Two-Bit said

I was seeing doubles of all of them and the floor felt like it was crumbling beneath me, Soda grabbed me tight when I started to slide down the wall. It wouldn't stop spinning, it never lasted this long before and I was starting to get real scared. I just wanted to walk on firm ground, Soda and Darry were trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear them. I felt like someone was covering my ears, or it was like watching tv with the sound turned off. They all look panicked and I felt my eyes starting to go hazy and my head started to droop, it was too heavy to hold up. Darry picked me up and carried me to the couch, he placed me on it gently and Soda kneeled down next to me. His mouth was still moving buy I couldn't hear, he was stroking my heads but I couldn't feel him, pretty soon I blacked out.


	20. where we stop nobody knows

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_Thanksssssssssss_

**Ponboys POV**

I woke up to Dr. Chambers in my face and for a fearful second thought I was back In the hospital, but when I looked around nervously and saw that I was in my living room I calmed down.

"Ponyboy? Are you all right?"he asked in a soothing voice

I nodded.

"Your brothers have brought to my attention that you will be needing a different medication, and I must agree"he said in his doctorally tone

"so I have put you on new medication, but im a little concerned with what the effects might be on you.. But I know for one thing that you will be able to eat again"he said with a nervous smile

Darry and Soda were staring at me worriedly and for a second I was mad at them for not being at work, it was morning and usually they were at work by now.

"Well I guess my work here is done, take it easy Ponyboy.. And do us a favor, eat"he said before exiting the house

"these are your new pills Pony"Darry said pulling out two cases

"this one is for the morning and the night"Darry said holding up the left bottle

"and this one.. Is only when necessary"he said holding up the right bottle

"necessary?"I asked

"yeah, we don't know what type of an effect this medication will have on you, but if the doctors guess of the side effects are true, then your gonna need these"he said

"what might be the side effects?"I asked

"don't worry about it kiddo"Darry said patting my head and walked into the kitchen

I was going to argue with him but decided not to, I wasn't feeling too hot and didn't feel like getting Darry annoyed or upset.

"Don't you two have work today?"I asked

"yeah but how could we go to work when you were unconscious on the couch?"Soda said while taking a sip of Pepsi

Suddenly I ran up to him, stumbling on my way and grabbed the Pepsi out of his hand and guzzled it down.

"Jesus Christ"Soda said

I looked at both of them with a pleased look on my face and they both burst out laughing.

"Your crazy"

"crazy? Golly I haven't had me a Pepsi in lord knows how long"I said breathing heavily

"you feelin any better Pony?"Soda asked from his spot on the chair

"yupp, I don't feel dizzy anymore if that's what you mean"

"why? What else is bothering you?"he asked gently

"I still feel real empty"

"yeah the doctor told us that you haven't had a decent meal in a month, you've been living off nutrients being transported through your wires, and stuff"he said sounding like he didnt understand himself

"golly.. Is that how long it's been?"I asked walking over to the fridge and taking out leftover pizza

I heated it up and devoured three slices in a matter of seconds, Darry and Soda watched me stunned.

I smiled.

**1 week later**

Darry didnt need to tell me what the side effects of the medication might be.. I could guess. It made me real uneasy, I could feel it, I suddenly got really nervous when I was alone.. Because I would start to hallucinate. Every night now I would wake up in a cold sweat and screaming, sometimes I wouldn't scream so loud but I would start crying in my sleep. I often woke up to Sodas worried face and his arms trying to comfort me, I felt awful for scaring him so much, but I was scaring me more. Pretty soon I couldn't tell if it was the medicine or me that was doing this, because when I would take the medicine after having a bad dream I would calm down. I didnt know what to think anymore, was I just going crazy? Maybe I was slowly slipping away from myself. I don't know but it was a scary thing, especially since I knew what was going on and I knew I couldn't stop it.

It was time for me to go to sleep again I started to shiver, I didnt want the dream to come back. Soda slid in next to me and carefully put his arm around me, preparing himself for the night of torment.

"Try not to think about it Pony"he said soothingly

"I do, but I cant stop it"I answered in a daze

"can you ever remember your dreams?"he asked

"I don't want to remember"I said in a robotic tone

I was staring straight ahead at the wall and didnt blink once the whole time Soda was talking to me.

I finally fell asleep.

And it came.

Not again.

Wake up! Soda! Darry!

But it's no use, I am trapped inside my own mine. Inside myself, and I cant get out.

_It's foggy. And im standing in the middle of a street.. It's the street where Dallas died. I hate that street, I can never cross it without hearing the gun shots in my mind. I could see him now, here he comes. He's running but the cops aren't there, but I am. And I am the one with the gun. Dally runs to me and I fire, but I am not me, I am under control. A prisoner in my own mind. Dally crumples to the floor, and he is dead. I killed him. I drop the gun and I run, I run until I am in Windrixville. I am crying by the time I am there. Then I see the church, I run up to it and run though the back door. I whistle and Johnny answers.. I run up to him. Then he stares at me in a shocked way, I look down at my hands.. Feeling a hot sensation. And I drop the burning match I am holding. It's just a small match, but the church goes up in flames. I am able to get out but Johnny is trapped inside, screaming. I run back to him screaming his name but he doesn't answer, I feel myself in the flames getting hot. Then the fire goes away.. And I see Johnny, he is dead. And I killed him. I did it. Once again I run away, running from the memories running and crying. The world starts to shake and I see mom and dad up on a hill, they're in their car. I run up to them yelling for them, then I trip over something. I look to see what it was, it's a track switcher. Then I hear it. Oh no. Not this_. _I hear the roar of the engine, the sound of the blaring whistle._ _I scream for mom and dad but they don't hear me and the train hits them, the whole ground shakes. I killed them. I killed them all._

**Sodapops POV**

I woke up to Ponys sweaty and shaky body, he starts whimpering and I hold him, he calms down a bit. Then he shouts out..

"Dally!"and starts crying silently

He calms down a bit after that and is only shaking, until he starts to sweat again, then he screams for Johnny. Numerous times, I hold him tighter but it's no use he keeps screaming and crying, Darry runs in the room. I look at him helplessly trying to calm a hysteric Pony.

"Pony"I say soothingly in his ear

but he doesn't stop and the next name he calls out really hits me.

"Mom! Dad! Look out!"he yells so loud I thought my ear drums would pop

"Pony!"Darry yelled and started shaking him

Pony still didnt awake his horrible nightmare and Darry shook him violently, I hugged me knees and watched the site of them. One of my brothers angry and sorry for the younger one, and the younger one trapped in a violent dream.. That only he can get himself out of.

Darry shakes harder and Pony finally stirs awake, his eyes blinking wildly, the tears streaming down his tear stained face.

He starts hyperventilating and I give Darry a worried glance, this hasn't happened before, none of his dreams have ever had this big of an effect on him.

"Pony, breath!"Darry yells frightened

But Pony continues hyperventilating and I hold his hand tightly, he looks at me like he doesn't know who I am.

"Breath like me!"I say breathing in and out calmly

But Pony still hyperventilates and looks scared out of his mind.

"Sodapops go get his medication!"Darry yells out

I reach out and hand him the bottle that was at the side of my bed, the one that read _if necessary_ on it. I handed Darry a pill and he somehow got it into Ponys gaping mouth.

"Swallow, honey"Darry said and Pony did as he was told, but gagged on the pill but he eventually got it down okay.

We waited until his breathing returned to a normal pace, we tried to talk to Pony and make him less frightened. But his eyes stayed wide and he refused to speak, or maybe he just couldn't speak.. I wasn't sure. I fell back asleep eventually but I knew Pony didnt, the poor kid stayed in the same position all night, staring into the silent darkness.


	21. recording dreams? what a drag

_sorry these past two chapters took so long but fanfiction wasn't letting me post em _****

**Darrys POV**

I couldn't sleep and was staring at my ceiling when I heard whimpering coming from Soda and Ponys room. I got up quickly and ran down the hall, I saw that Soda was still asleep and sighed with relief. Then I went over to Ponys side of the bed, he was shivering and sweating.. The poor kid, what does he dream about? I carefully lifted him and carried him into the living room. I sat on the couch and placed Pony on my lap, I wasn't sure what to do, so I rocked him back and forth. He was still whimpering and shaking so I hummed to him as I rocked him. I felt bad for Soda having to deal with Pony every night, he really needed to start getting full night sleeps. But I felt worse that Pony had to suffer through the horrible nightmares that he has been having every single night.

"Johnny.. Dally"Pony mumbled

"mom... dad"

"No.. Look out"

"Joey? Joey. Don't go, not now"

The last thing Pony said hurt me, I felt bad that Pony lost his closest friend beside Johnny.. How must this feel? Their was a letter Johnny wrote Pony, he kept it stashed away in his drawer but I found it. I cried like a baby when I read it, Johnny was saying something about Pony being gold, how out of a crowd of people running around and fussing about things.. Pony took the time to appreciate the sunset and realize that their was good in the world. I cried, because Pony had changed, whether I want to believe it or not. I haven't seen him look at the sky for a long time now, and he hasn't even bothered to pick up a book. The violent jerk that Pont made broke my train of thought and I looked down at him. He looked really pale and still hasn't gained much weight back, he started to violently jerk around. I held him tight and he stopped moving a little, then completely calmed down, I looked down at him and for a second didnt believe that this is the same little brother I knew.

**Flashback**

_It was raining out and mom and dad left to go do some shopping I was 11 years old then, Soda 9, and Pony 5. Mom and Dad had told me to watch them carefully, Soda was sitting in the living room coloring but Pony was no where to be seen. Then I remember finding him in the bathroom. He had gotten into the cabinet, Pony was always fooling around and getting into trouble._ _But when I realized what he was doing I flipped out, he swallowed pills, I grabbed the bottle from him and read it, Muscle Relaxants. My heart stopped. Dad used them when he was feeling tense, I had no clue how many Pony ate._

"_Dawwy, I fweel fwunny"I remembered Ponys baby like voice, he had it till he was about seven, poor kid. I remember people always making fun of him for it._

"_Pony! Soda!"Soda ran into the bathroom but didnt quite get the drift of what was going on_

_Ponys knees seemed to buckle underneath him and he sat on the floor and started to whimper. His forehead was burning up and he looked almost dead to me. I couldn't wait for mom and dad to get home, or else it would be too late. I grabbed Pony in my arms and ran as fast as I could, dragging Soda behind me. Ponys body was limp in my arms but I kept hearing his voice mumbling things that didnt made sense._

"_Dawwy? Am I dying?"It broke my heart when he said that and I remember almost dropping him._

_I buckled Pony and Soda in the car and jumped into the front seat, I was only 11 but I knew how to drive. I pressed on the gas and we sped off, I didnt slow down for anything, and luckily no cops stopped us. I ran into the hospital and the doctors took him out of my grasp. I remember crying out "Save Him!" by now Soda was crying out of confusion and worry. I sat in the waiting room with Soda in my arms, and then a doctor came back out to ask me where our parents were and when I told him he just nodded his head and turned._

"_Wait"_

"_yes?"_

"_What about my brother!"I asked frantically_

"_he's alright, in fact if he got here a second later, he would have been lost"_

_I cried, out of happiness and being scared to death. Just one more second._

"_We just finished pumping out his stomach, he ought to consider himself lucky to have a brother like you.. You just saved his life"he smiled then walked away_

_But nothing the doctor said meant anything to me, the only thing I remembered most out of that day was seeing Pony in the hospital bed._

"_Dawwy?"he asked weakly_

"_yeah?"_

"_I wuv yew"_

**end of flashback**

Remembering that day made me cry and I wiped the tear off Ponys cheek that fell from my eye. I had saved my baby brother once before, maybe I could do it again.. But this time was different, this time Ponys problems were in his head. I fell asleep with Ponyboy in my arms that night, I remember crying myself to sleep.

"morning sleepy head!"Soda said jumping on me

"what time is it?"

"Four"

"where's Pone?"

"Bathroom"

"he's up?"

"Yeah, gheez you gave me a heart attack, when I woke up and saw that Pony wasn't in bed I nearly jumped out of my skin"Soda scolded

"Sorry but I heard him having a nightmare and didn't want him to wake you"

"another one?"he asked sadly

"yeah.."

"Dar, you think we should take him to a psychologist?" Soda asked wide eyed

"huh?"

"Yeah you know, to see why he's having nightmares and stuff"

"nah, Dr. Chambers bringing Pony back to the hospital to watch him sleep, were gonna record his dreams"I answered forgetting that I hadn't told Soda yet

"no kidden? Pony know?"

"Nope, I don't wanna freak him out"

"when is it?"

"Tonight at nine"I answered then gave Soda a look that said 'shut up' because Pony had just walked in the room, his hair dripping wet

"you wanna cath pneumonia?"I asked him

"I aint gonna catch pneumonia"he answered

"hey Pony?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here a second"

"yeah?"he asked sitting down

"we have to bring you back to the hospital"

"what!"

"Just for one night, to take some tests"

"what sort of tests?"

"Just to see if everything is going alright with you, you know blood wise and all"I lied

"alright.. One night.. That's it?"he asked cautiously

"yeah, don't worry"I reassured him

Soda gave me an uneasy look.

**Nine at night**

We arrived at the hospital, Pony looked more nervous than ever.. The poor kid really hated hospitals.

"Hello Pony"Dr. Chambers greeted us

"hi"Pony mumbled

"feeling any better? Im a little concerned that you haven't gained much weight back"he said frowning

"what'ya think, im gonna gain it all back like that"he said snapping his fingers together

"easy Pone"i said

Then the doctor dragged me away and asked me how long I thought it would be before Pony fell asleep, because he had things to do. I looked over at Pony who was swaying from lack of sleep, I smiled. Not long at all.

"Will you all follow me?"Dr. Chambers asked

We followed him into a room and he asked Pony to sit on the bed, he did as told and laid down. The doctor didnt want to drug him because we might not get the full effect of the nightmares if we did. He said he would be right back and left the room, figuring Pony would fall asleep faster if he did. And sure enough Ponys eyes started to droop, he fought it for a little while, then gave in and fell into a soundless sleep.

"He asleep?"Dr. Chambers asked peeking his head in

Soda nodded.

We watched as Dr. Chambers began to attach these wires to Ponys far head, he looked kind of funny, and I hid a laugh. The wires were hooked up to a machine that recorded the waves of his dreams. The needle that made the lines, moved back and forth evenly and the doctor told us that that meant he wasn't having a dream yet. Then I watched as Pony slowly began to begin his dreaming sequence, he started out by only whimpering then he started to sweat and shiver. Soda started for him but I held him back nodding my head, no, I knew how Soda felt tho.. You just wanted to crawl into bed with him and hold em. Then Pony began screaming, tossing and turning, the lines were rapidly going up and down, Dr. Chambers looked surprised, which made me worry. Ponys dream only got more violent and he had started shouting out the names that he usually shouted, I looked at Dr. Chambers.

"Isn't that enough?"I asked worried

"no we must watch to see what happens"he said

"I cant watch him suffer like this and not do anything!"Soda broke in

"then maybe you would like to wait in the lobby?"Dr. Chambers said with a grim face

Soda shut up after that and didnt take his eyes off Pony.

Pony started thrashing around in the hospital bed and I was worried he was going to fall off, I had a sudden urge to hold him down. So I did. Dr. Chambers gave me a glowering look but I didnt care, Pony had suffered through enough. Soda rushed to my side and helped me in the process of calming Pony down, Dr. Chambers didnt say anything so I guessed he wasn't mad anymore. I wonder what those lines on the paper could tell us about Ponys dream.

_Please review! Please!_


	22. sleep talking?

_**Readddddd asnd reviewwwwwwwww thankssssss**_

_**a bunchhhhhh.. ROB LOWES BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYSSSSSS!**_

**Sodas POV**

"Well your brother does have very violent nightmares, but im afraid we can't really do anything about it. But im sure a psychiatrist can help him with this, and we could keep him here for a little while to see how he get's along-"

"no!"I broke in

"I don't think_ here_ is the best place for Pony right now"Darry finished for me

"alright"

"so can you tell us anything, like what's he dream about"I asked

"I couldn't tell you that Soda, that machine can't tell us what Pony is actually dreaming, but it does tell us if these dreams are unnatural or not"

"so are they unnatural?"I asked

"im afraid so, the lines have broken the average border line and have gone well past"Dr. Chambers saw my worried glance

I was about to ask something else but stopped when Pony walked into the room, looking tired and disheveled.

"Hey Pone, you feeling okay?"Darry asked putting an arm over Ponys scrawny shoulders

"yeah, can we go now?"Pony asked eagerly

"sure kiddo"I said

When we got home pony and I played cards on the living room floor, while Darry looked at a piece of paper in his hand. I guessed that the paper was the same paper that Dr. Chambers had given him, it had the phone # to the psychiatrist place. He was rubbing his fingers through his hair and I wondered if he was considering calling them or not. Then he grabbed the phone and dialed the number I looked at Darry who motioned for me to take Pony out of the room.

"C'mere Pony, let's go in our room"I said grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet

he followed me without asking or arguing

I sat with Pony on our bed, it was late and Pony looked tired, he was lying next to me and facing my way. I watched as his eyelids slowly close.

"Soda?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you worried about me?"Pony asked half asleep

for a second I thought he kind of was dreaming

"a bit"I said honestly

"why?"Pony started making snoring noises, is he really asleep?

What is this like sleep walking without the walking? Maybe like sleep talking, or sleep conversation or something.

"Well, you have been sick lately.."

"How'd you know I was sick?"Pony asked

"what? You don't feel good and you haven't told us?"I asked

"but I don't feel bad.. But sick.. Like in my mind"Pony mumbled

in his mind?

"Why else are you worried?"

"Your dreams.."

Then I had an idea, maybe I could ask Pony this while he was sleeping.. Maybe then he would remember and tell me what it is he dreams.

"Pony?"

"Mm?"

"What do you dream about?"

I heard Darry walk into the room and I quickly shot my hand up to make him be quiet, he slowly crept toward us.

"My dreams? I dream about..."

"Is he awake?"Darry asked quietly

"no I think he's sleeping.. Now shh"I said putting my fingers up to my lips

"go on Pony"I said gently

"I dream about, johnny and Dally... mom and dad"

"I dream about all the stuff that's happened.. And about how they were all my fault"

"what'ya mean, it wasn't your fault Pone"

"yeah, I killed them.. I killed them all"

"but I didn't mean too!"

"It's okay Pony calm down"

"I shot Dally.. I'm the one that lit the church on fire, with my match and made Johnny get burnt, im the one that switched the tracks for the train so they killed mom and dad.. It was me all me"

I looked at Darry

"Pony?"

"Don't tell them though"

"tell who Pony?"

"Soda and Darry"

didn't he know he was talking to me?

Darry looked hurt

"Pony who are you talking to?"I asked, wanting to know who he thought he was talking to

"im talking to.. You"Pony mumbled

"who am I?"he asked

"you're the one in my dreams.. The one who follows me"Pony started to shiver

"you're him.. Your it"

"Pony.."

"I don't want to talk to you, why are you making me?"

"Pony?"

"Please go away.. For once leave me alone.. For once"then Pony went to sleep

he stopped talking and I got out of bed and followed Darry into the kitchen

"What was that all about?"he asked

"well I was sitting there and then Pony started talking to me, I thought he was awake at first bu then I realized that he was asleep. Darry he knew he was talking to me before, why did he think he wasn't?"I asked him confused

"I don't know"

"he said he was sick"

"what?"

"That's what I said.. He asked me if I was worried about him and I said a little bit, then he asked me why. I told him it was because he had been sick lately, then he asked me how I knew he was sick. Then he said that he wasn't sick like fever kind of sick, but he said sick In his mind"

Darry looked at me with quizzical eyes

"what does he mean Darry?"

"I don't know, but hat kid has to go to the psychiatrist"

"you call em?"

"Yeah, they said that the first appointment will be on Friday at five"

"alright"

"should we tell Pony?"Darry asked me

"in the morning I guess"

"hope he doesn't take it hard"Darry said patting my shoulder

"get to bed now, huh?"

"Sure"I said punching his shoulder then walked to my room

Pony was sleeping soundlessly, it was the most peaceful he has been in a long time, it made me smile. I crawled into bed with him and stroked back his hair and started whispering to him that everything will be alright.


	23. first appoitment

**Rob Lowe is now 42! And still beautiful ** **AHH he's also coming out in theaters! in Thankyou For Smoking! AH I love him soooooooo much! &&$$**

**all of you should go see it! For Rob Lowes sake. I know I am **

**Friday**

**Ponyboys POV**

A psychiatrist. A psychiatrist! What did they think I was crazy or something? I hate this, im in the backseat of Darrys car, Soda and him are in deep conversation about something. They decide to break the news to me this morning that they made an appointment for me today. And you can bet I wasn't too happy, I kind of threw a fit actually, I didn't mean to! It's just that im sick and tired of doctors, and when I finally thought that I got them off my back, new ones come. I just want this whole thing to be over, if I knew that cutting would bring all this, I might have had second thoughts. But it's too late for that now, but I swear all this stuff is making me go crazy. They think im crazy now? Wait till they send a few more doctors after me, then I'll show them what crazy really is.

"Oh cheer up Pony"Soda said glancing at me threw the review mirror

I held onto the arm rest tightly, soda was driving.

"You wanna go to a psychiatrist?"I asked

"I'm not the one that's having bad dreams"

That's right, I was pretty mad I sorta forgot the reason why I was going, well bad dreams or no bad dreams I don't want to go to no psychiatrist. I mean they can't be that bad can they? Everyone gets bed dreams, don't they?

"Why are we going now? I've always had bad dreams what makes these so different?"I asked

"well.."Soda began but Darry interrupted

"Pony, you remember when we brought you to the hospital to take some tests?"

I had forgotten about that completely.

"Yeah.. How did that go anyway?"I asked

"well, the tests were about your dreams"Darry looked at me and when I didn't say anything he continued

"me an Soda were starting to really worry about you, so we brought you to take some tests that record the waves of your dreams"

"u huh"I was sorta confused

"and the doctor told us that your dreams were way beyond normal, meaning that they were very unnatural"

"how come you didn't tell me that we were going to record my dreams?"I asked

"we didn't wanna upset you or anything"he said turning back around and glancing at Soda

I didn't say anything more, I wondered what else they lied to me about..

We finally arrived at the psychiatrist office it was cold in there and smelled funny, I didn't like it.

"Ponyboy Curtis?"the lady at the counter called out and Darry stood up grabbing my arm and dragging me to the counter

"here"

"alright, Mrs. Daily will see you now"she said pointing down a small hallway

I followed Darry down the hall until we came to the small doorway and Mrs. Daily told Darry that he had to wait outside.

"Hello Ponyboy, please have a seat"she said motioning to the chair infront of her desk. I shut the door behind me and walked over.

"So I have been given your medical records, seems to me that you've been through quite a lot"she said shuffling papers

"im just gonna go over some of the things to clarify"

I nodded

"you've had quite a few loses in the past year, that must have been hard on you"

I nodded

"this caused you to start cutting"

I nodded

"you were sent to a hospital"

I nodded

"and you tried to escape and almost did"

I nodded

"then you had quite a stay in an asylum, where you were stabbed by another patient"

I nodded

"but the reason you are here is your dreams"

"now I understand that you have very violent dreams"

I nodded

"you wanna say anything? I haven't heard you say a word yet"

"sorry ma'am"I said

"their, that's better, you have a very cute voice Pony, you should use it more often"she said crossing her hands

"alright"

"now you want to tell me about these dreams you have?"

"Well.."

I paused. I was kinda worried that she would tell Soda and Darry, for some reason I didn't like the fact that they knew what I was dreaming. They would start acting different around me just like the gang had. Ever since I got back from the asylum they've all been extra nice to me and talking to me like I was about to go out of my mind. Which almost made me.

Then as if reading my mind Mrs. Daily said "everything you say is confidential Pony, nothing will leave these walls"she said smiling

I liked her smile, it wasn't fake like the doctors smiles, she had a smile I could trust, one that would always tell me the truth.

"Well, in my dream it usually begins with me on this street where my friend Dallas was shot by a police officer, but in my dream im the on that shoots him."

I looked at her and when she nodded for me to continue I did

"then I turn around and im suddenly at the church where I stayed in for five days, and Johnny, my other friend that got killed was there too. And well you know about the fire and everything right?"

She nodded

"okay, so then suddenly in my hand is a match and it starts to burn at my fingers so I drop it, then im safe and outside the church but I hear my friend inside screaming and getting burnt, because the match I dropped caused the big fire."that part was always hard to talk about

"go on Pony"

"t-then im in the country, where my mother and father were the day that they died, and they're there in their car. I hear a train coming and run to warn them but trip on this track switcher, which then switches the train onto the track that they were on, and they're dead. They're all just dead, and I caused every one of their deaths"

I fought back tears.

"Theirs also this guy in my dream, I can never see his face he has a dark hood over him and he's in every place that I am. Like he's following me, and after I kill my mom and dad I run over to him."I swallowed then continued

"and I start yelling at him, asking him why he's following me and then this deep dark voice comes out of him saying 'you killed them Pony! You killed them all'. Then he cries, but his tears are blood, I turn around and there are Johnny, Dally, mom and dad. They're all crying, even Dally. But they're all crying blood then only Dally speaks an he said 'why Pony? Why'd you kill us? It's not fair for you to do this to Johnny'"

I chocked on a sob and didn't speak for a long time, I was afraid if I opened my mouth, or even looked at Mrs. Daily I would start crying. That one part in my dream scared me the most, the part where Dally asks me why I did this to Johnny, an I try telling him that it wasn't me, but I can never get the words out. Because deep down, I know that it was. And then I looked at Johnny and he still looks like he always has, like a lost puppy that's been kicked one too many times. His eyes are always full of sorrow, and I curse myself because Johnny was only sixteen, that's only two years older than me, he didn't deserve to die.

"I know you live a very rough life Pony, believe me I know, I've been in the neighborhood you live in. I know that a lot of people you know, have to convert to stealing just so they can survive. They have fights to prove who's the top dog and you have to be careful of getting jumped. You have it very rough."

"Things are rough all over"I mumbled

"excuse me?"she said

"things are rough all over"I said a little louder

"well I don't doubt that, im just saying, that you're living conditions are a lot rougher than most peoples. No parents, just living with your brothers"

I looked up suddenly, was she planning on splitting us up? She couldn't right? I mean Darry is now my legal guardian.

"Y-you're not thinking about splitting me an my brothers up.. Are you?"I asked my fingers were shaking and I wanted a cigarette

"well, im not going to split you up, but I think it would be a good idea, for you personally if you go live with another relative for a few weeks, you know just to spend some time away from this place that holds so much memories"she said unsteady

"no, you can't do that you're just here to help me with my dreams, you can't do anything!"I said standing up

"Pony im not forcing you into anything, and this is me trying to help you with you're dreams! I am just suggesting that it would be best for your health"she said standing up and escorting me out the door

"our session is over for today anyway, I will see you soon, I will discuss my proposition with you guardian"she meant my brother

I didn't want her to, I knew Darry and I knew that he would consider her proposition very thoroughly, they might send me away. And that's the last thing I want to happen right now, to tell you the truth. I consider myself the luckiest kid in the world right now, just the fact that I was able to stay with my brothers. I can't be taken away from them now, not now.

I walked into the waiting room and sat down next to Soda who had his feet on the seat of the chair and his but on the back rest watching television. Some girls were watching him from the corner, they were old too, that sorts creeped me out. I wonder if Soda noticed, but he didn't he was too into the cartoon show that was on to notice anyone around him. I watched Darry shake his head at Soda and smile then he got up and followed Mrs. Daily into her office, where she motioned him to sit. I couldn't hear or see them but I imagined the scene In my head. She would talk to Darry and use grown up words to explain my case and situation, then she would assure him that she's not forcing any of this but just thinks that is would be for my best interest if.. Blah blah blah. My leg started to tremble as I saw Darry walk back out motioning for me to follow, I smacked Soda in the leg and he flipped over the back of the chair. I didn't think I hit him that hard. I started cracking up, so did the girls, soda got up rubbing his head. Then he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulders and carried me out to our car, I smiled. I swear I wasn't leaving Darry or Sodapop, not now... not ever.

**Sorry it took me so long! I'll try to get another chapter up soon..don't forget to review pleaseeee!**

**Thankyou!**


	24. staying gold

_This is actually the last chapter.. But I might make an epilogue im not sure yet.. Anyway if you have any ideas of what my next story might be please don't hesitate to tell me! Thanks!_

**Darrys POV**

Well we stuck with the psychiatrist for two weeks so far, and nothing has seemed to cease Ponys dreams, so we decided to stop going. It seemed to make Pony happier, he didn't much like his sessions with that Daily lady, I didn't like her either. Especially after her request that Pony be sent to live with a relative. First off im not sure I know any relatives much less any that live near. And I wasn't about to send my baby brother to some stranger for months or however long, besides something like that would probably kill Pony at the state hes in right now.

Two-Bit is watching Pony all day and night, even until tomorrow, since I sent Soda to go stay with Steve and I have to go to an old friends birthday party. I figured that me and Soda needed to get out of the house anyway, I hated leaving Pony but it was for the best. I needed to think about Sodas health too and him worrying about Pony so much was making him older looking. Two-bit arrived on time, which was unusual but I ignored it, soda and I were ready so I told Two-Bit the do's and don'ts and hoped I was making the right choice.

**Two-Bits POV**

I have to watch the kid for a whole day and a half, I finally got Darry and Sodapop to leave after a very long list of what no to do. I looked down at the list in my hand, he told me the rules and wrote them down, he really didn't trust me.

_No going out of the house_

_stay inside._

_Medication at 8_

_no rough housing_

_no parties_

_no going outside._

_try not to eat us out of our food._

_Make sure Pony eats something, he still needs_

_to gain a lot of weight back_

_you mess up and I will hurt you._

_Please keep a careful eye on Pony._

_Don't go outside._

_He might have nightmares, just soothe him okay?_

_Don't do anything stupid._

_We'll be back tomorrow._

_-Darry_

He really emphasized on me not bringing him outside, sheesh where did he think I was gonna take him? To a party? In the condition he's in, im not that stupid. The note made me laugh and I placed it in my pocket, Pony was in the living room watching television. I walked into the room and found the couch empty, _oh great_ I thought, cant that kid sit still? I called his name and got no answer, then I found a note on the night stand table, I read it.

_Two-bit,_

_ill be back soon, went out for a little_

_please don't worry. I'll only be gone_

_for a bit, see you._

_-Ponyboy_

I was going to kill him.

**Ponyboys POV**

I didn't like doing this to Two-bit, I felt bad enough that he had to watch me when he could be out having fun. But I had to do this, I needed to say good bye or else I would never feel alright. I finally figured out who the guy in my dreams were, and it made me think.

**Flashback dream**

_The dream was happening again, not again.. I tried to wake myself up. I tried to stop it, but it was no use, I had to see it again._ _Then the end finally came, or at least this is where it ended every other time, the part where I go up to the black shadowy figure and turn around and see them all crying blood._ _After I turned around from the faces of my two lost friends and mother and father I came face to face with the black thing. Which was weird since every other time I just woke up. It was staring straight at me, but I couldn't see its face, it was just a hollow dark emptiness to me. I took my gaze away from its face and down to its hands, which were covered with the black capes long sleeves._ _My eyes continued downward and then they rested on the things shoes, it was wearing white canvas converses' that had a rip on the left side of the right shoe. I knew those shoes. I looked back up to the things face, it was crying again, but crying blood not tears._

"_..Joey?"I asked it my voice shaking_

_there was no answer, and the thing started getting blurry_

_I couldn't wake up now, not now._

_So I reached out my hand and got a hold of the things hood, I tugged it as hard as I could and it just flew off, so easily that I lost my balance and fell to the ground. I looked up and there was Joey, he had a bullet wound coming out of his chest and the shirt he had on was stained with blood. He was deathly white and his eyes seemed to sink it his face, causing a black shadow to circle around them._ _This was not the Joey that I knew , this Joey looked sick and like the walking dead. Wait. Maybe he was. He looked at me with tear stained face_, _but every tear he shed was blood._

"_Joey?"I asked him again_

_and this time Joey smiled, or at least tried to smile._

_I got up, I wanted to badly to hug him but when I took the first step close to him, he vanished right before my eyes and then I woke up. To Sodas face staring at me. And for once in my life I wasn't glade to see Sodas face, I just wanted to see Joeys._

_**End flashback dream**_

I walked down the street quickly, even though summer started it was somehow still cold out and I didn't bring a jacket. But it was no where near freezing, just a bit chilly so I was alright. I walked through my town and then into an alley way, I walked up to the wooden fence at the end. I grabbed one of the wooden fence pieces and squeezed myself through it, I went through easier than I ever had. I really did lose some weight. I stumbled to the end of this small hill, it was getting dark so the sun was setting. I walked up to the top of the hill, it was our small town cemetery, most of the graves were on the other side of the hill but only a few made it to the top. I stared down at the three graves infront of me. Two of them had new grass growing over the dirt and the other was still fresh. I read each name on the tomb stones, which weren't really big, because we couldn't afford much. _Dallas Winston, Johnny Cade, and Joey Macarelli_ were the names that met my eyes. A tear tickled my eyelid and I didn't bother to wipe it away, I looked down at the three graves and smiled.

"Looks like you guys have a nice view of the sunset from here"I said out loud

then I waited half expecting an answer.

When no answer came I looked at the setting sun and smiled, then turned my gaze back at the stones where there was a golden glow settling on them. I thought things over, and replayed the events that have changed my life forever. Not much people can say that they lost two parents and three friends in the past year, but it's nothing im proud of. Then I wondered what it would be like it I was different, if I was like all other kids that didn't have to go through things like this. Then I remembered Johnnys words _stay gold Ponyboy, stay gold_, I never really appreciated those words until now. And now I don't think I will ever forget them, and my thoughts of being a different person vanished from my mind. Johnny was right, I did see things differently from other people but I don't think I would have ever really noticed it is Johnny hadn't told me. And when I did think about it, which was when Joey said the same thing, I thought that I had lost my "golden" look on life. But seeing me here now with my best friends, even though dally wasn't really my best friend, I don't think I lost it much.

"Don't worry Johnny, im as golden as ever, but I'd be like everyone else if it wasn't for you"I said softly

"Hey Pony.. You okay?"

I turned around and saw Two-bit standing behind me, how he found me I have no clue.

Then I realized that I was crying and quickly wiped my eyes

"yeah Im alright"I answered

"C'mon, let's get you home before you get even sicker, then I might as well start making requests for a tomb stone next to these guys"Two-bit said trying to smile

"alright"I said stifling a small laugh

We walked home in silence but it wasn't awkward, which is the feeling I love with a good friend, when you get to the point in the relationship where silences aren't awkward. I realized that the gang only consisted of five people now including myself, It was surprising how big a difference two numbers are when their your friends lives. When I got back home I went to sleep and it was the best nights sleep I have ever had in my whole life. I did have a dream, but it wasn't a bad one it was about all of us together back in the old days. Even if the events weren't even a year old yet they still seemed farther away then ever, anything that has ever happened before this year seemed like a blur.

Most people would look back on their 14th year of their life and remember that that was the year they got their first pet, or they made the football team. But I look back on it and say that was the year I lost both of my parents and three of my good friends. And I can still look at life in a way different from most people and while a crowd of people will see the sunset and be mad that another day is ending I will always look at it and think how it's amazing that the sky can make those colors. And I will always remember standing on the hilltop behind the church with Johnny and watching the sun sink behind the hill and I smile as I repeat the poem in my head that I told Johnny. Nothing gold can stay.. Unless you were lucky enough to have friends as good as mine, friends that are like brothers. But I know that I will never have better friends then those group of friends that I had when I fourteen.

_What'd ya think? Please let me know!_


End file.
